


Remember

by CarolPeletier



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-28
Updated: 2015-11-25
Packaged: 2018-04-28 16:37:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 37,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5097635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CarolPeletier/pseuds/CarolPeletier
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An accident on a lonely highway brings two broken hearts together.  When Daryl meets Carol, the world as he knows it changes forever.  As fate usually has it, their lives will never be the same.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing from The Walking Dead.

Remember

Chapter 1

He could hear the _tick tick tick_ of the turn signal, but it sounded like he was under water.  His chest hurt, and when he opened his eyes, all he could see was the bright red of tail lights through a cloud of smoke.  He coughed hard, and he groaned in pain, putting his hand against his side.  He was slumped over the steering wheel, and his knuckles were covered his blood.  He brought his hand to his face, and he felt the warm trickle of blood from his forehead.  _What happened_?

He could hear sirens, but again, it sounded like he was under water, and he couldn’t figure out how close they were.  Were they coming for him?

He blinked a few times, and it was then that he saw the flash of blonde hair as a small little girl in a pink night gown came stumbling around the overturned car ahead of them.  _Jesus_.  He could hear muted sobs as screams came from the car. 

“Oh God!  Help!  Please!”  He groaned in pain, and he reached down to unbuckle his seat belt.  When he heard the click and felt the release of the belt from across his chest, he reached for the door handle, only to find the door jammed.  He shoved it a few times with his shoulder until it groaned and squealed on its hinges. 

The little girl standing in the flood of his headlights was sobbing as blood covered her bear-patterned gown.

“Hey,” he groaned, blinking as the world seemed to spin around him.  “You ok, kid?”

“My mommy’s hurt.  I think my daddy’s dead.”  She covered her face with her hands and turned away, and Daryl limped, hunched over as the pain in his side began to tear. 

“Little girl?” he groaned, limping toward her, as she cowered against the front of his truck.  “Hey.  Little girl?  You ok?  You hurt?”

“My arm hurts,” she whimpered, as he realized she was holding it pressed against her tummy.  He knelt down in front of her, narrowing his eyes to peer at her in the dark.  

“You dizzy?”

“Nuh-uh.”

“You sure?”

“Uh-huh.  My arm hurts.”

“Alright, sweetheart.  C’mere.  Let’s get you over here.  Want ya to sit down ‘til the ambulance gets here.”

“My mommy.  Help my mommy.”

“Alright.  Come on, sweetheart.  Just…sit down over here.  You start to feel dizzy, you holler, ok?  My name’s Daryl, so you just holler for me if you need me.”

“Ok,” she said with a sniffle, blinking up at him with tear-filled eyes.  “Please help my mommy.”  Daryl led the little girl off to the shoulder of the road, and he peered around, trying to get his bearings.  _Where the hell are we?_

“I’m gonna do what I can to help your mama, ok?”

“Mister?  Are you a superhero?” the little girl asked.  Daryl couldn’t help but chuckle despite his pain.

“No, sweetheart.  Not a superhero.  Just a doctor.”  He patted her on top of the head and helped her sit down on the crumbling pavement.  The pain in his side was a little better, but the pain in his head seemed to be growing worse.  But he made his way to the overturned car, kneeling down on the passenger’s side as broken glass scraped the palms of his hands.  The screams he’d heard earlier had turned to whimpers, and when the crying woman turned to him, her eyes widened, and she began to sob. 

“Hey.  Ma’am?  Ma’am?  You ok?”  She blinked back the tears and shook her head.  “Hey.  Listen to me.  We’ve been in a wreck.  Can ya tell me your name?”  She stared at him for a moment before she started to shake. 

“Sophia.”

“You’re Sophia?”

“N-no.  Where’s my Sophia?  Where’s my little girl?”

“She’s safe.  She’s…yeah. She’s safe.”  He turned to look over at the little girl who was anxiously waiting at the side of the road.  “Hey.  Sophia!  Can ya call real loud from over there and let your mama know you’re ok?”

“I’m ok, Mommy!  I’m ok!” 

“Oh God,” the woman sobbed.  “Are…are you ok?”

“M’fine, ma’am.  Just focusin’ on you right now.”

“This is all my fault,” she choked out.  “Oh God.  It’s all my fault.  I’m sorry.”

“Ma’am, it’s ok.  I’m just gonna…your husband?  Is he alright?”

“N-no,” she whimpered.  “He’s not answering.  He’s…I think he’s dead.”

“Alright, you hear that?  Hear the sirens?”  She nodded.  “Help is comin’.”

“Are you s-sure?  We’re out in the m-middle of nowhere,” she whimpered.

“Guessin’ somebody drove by, seen it happen.”

“They didn’t stop?  Who does that?”

“S’gonna be alright.  I’m a doctor.  You just…”  He reached into the car.  “You got your belt on.  That’s good.  That’s…now you just take my hand.  Can you do that?”  She nodded her head, and she reached out, letting him take her hand.  She closed her eyes then, and he gave her hand a squeeze.  “What’s your name?”

“Carol,” she whimpered.  Just then, the flashing lights of a police cruiser came into sight, and Daryl let out a groan followed by a sigh of relief. 

“Help’s here.  See?  No time at all.  You’re gonna be ok.  You’re gonna make it out of this.”

“I don’t think I can,” she choked out.  “It hurts.”

“I know,” he murmured.  “I know it hurts, but I got you, ok?”

“Ok,” she breathed, blinking as the tears continued to fall, soaking into her hair as her belt began to slip from place.  “God.  Oh God.”

“Hey.  I got you.”  He maneuvered himself further through the window, helping hold the belt in place so she wouldn’t slip out and hit her head against the roof of the car.  He looked over his shoulder and hollered.  “Over here!  We need help!  Over here!”  The shuffling of feet against the pavement grew closer, and soon, an officer was kneeling down.

“Hey.  Ambulance is just a minute away.”

“She’s slippin’.  You gotta help me get her outta here.”

“Sir, it’s best we don’t move her ‘til the paramedics get here,” the officer urged.

“I’m a doctor.  I know that.  But she’s gonna fall, and she’s gotta injure her spinal cord if she does, so I need you to help me hold her steady and lower her down.  You think you can do that, officer?”  The man stared at him for a moment, clearly not expecting the man in oil-stained jeans that drove a pickup truck to be a doctor. 

“Yeah.  I can do that.”

“Alright.  You just gotta…gotta hold her up, and I’m gonna slide the belt off real slow.  You got it?”

“Got it,” the officer said with a quick nod. 

“Alright.  Carol?  Hey.  We’ve got you.  Alright?  You’re gonna be alright.”

“Ok,” she whispered softly, closing her eyes.  “You’ve got me.  You’ve got me.”

“That’s right.  Just keep sayin’ that.  Keep believin’ it.  You’re gonna be alright.” 

Together, they eased Carol out of her safety belt and slid her out of the car as more glass began to fall from the window frame.   Daryl gently eased her down onto the pavement, making sure to hold her neck still as they put her down.  Carol gripped his hand and squeezed it tightly.

“See?  Told you,” Daryl said with a reassuring smile as the ambulance pulled in, and the flashes of light made him feel dizzy and sick again.  He shook his head, and he felt two hands on his shoulders.

“Whoa.  Hey.  You need to lay down, too.”

“No.  I just…what about the man?  Her husband?”  The officer made his way to the other side and knelt down.  When he stood and met Daryl’s gaze, he shook his head.  He moved back over, and he knelt down next to Carol.

“Ma’am?  You in any pain?”

“Yes, officer,” she choked out, flinching as another wave of pain hit her.

“Hey, that’s good,” Daryl murmured.  “Pain’s good.  Mean’s your alive.  Mean’s you ain’t paralyzed.  You got that?  You can get through it.”

“I’m strong.  I’m strong,” she whispered, closing her eyes as she faded into unconsciousness.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

“Can you follow the li—Daryl?  Daryl, would you hold still?”  One of the interns, Glenn Rhee, was attempting to give Daryl an exam, but Daryl wouldn’t sit still.

“You forget who you’re talkin’ to, kid?”

“No…sir.  Dr. Dixon.”  Glenn swallowed nervously.  “But you know I have to check you out before I give you over to Neuro.”

“M’fine,” Daryl muttered.

“Yeah, you’re fine, but when they EMTs hauled you in, you were reminding me to check on Katie Grey.”

“So?”

“Katie Grey was a patient we had six months ago,” he pointed out.

“What?” Daryl asked, narrowing his eyes. 

“Daryl, what month is it?”

“March,” Daryl pointed out.  “Now let me up.”  Daryl grabbed for his neck restraint, and he pulled it off.

“Doctors make the worst patients,” Glenn groaned.  “If you’re not going to…just let me clear your C-Spine already, alright?”  Daryl begrudgingly let Glenn continue with his exam, and when the younger doctor seemed to be finished, Daryl got up from the gurney.  “It’s September, by the way.”

“What?”

“It’s September.  You’re…a little confused.”  Daryl glared at the younger doctor for a second before pulling his cell phone out of his back pocket.  Sure enough, the date on the phone said September 19, 2015.  Six months.  How the hell had he lost six months?  “Look, man, we’ve gotta get you down for a CT.”

“M’fine.”

“Well, too bad for you, you’re my patient, so unless you want to sign an AMA, you need to calm down and lay back down.”

“That woman and her kid?  They’re ok?”

“You know I can’t discuss their cases with…”

“Cut the shit, Rhee.  I held that woman’s hand, and she was terrified.  I just gotta know they’re ok.”  Glenn sighed and looked over his shoulder briefly before turning back to Daryl.

“Little girl’s got a broken arm, and the mom’s bruised up.  Some of that bruising is old though, not from the crash.  Looks like the husband put his hands on her.  Guess maybe it’s a blessing he didn’t make it.”  At Daryl’s glance, Glenn shrugged.   “Sorry.”

“Fuck,” Daryl grumbled.  “Head’s killin’ me.”

“Which is why we need to get you down for a CT.  You could have a bleed.  We need to make sure it’s nothing life threatening.  You really need to lie down.”  Daryl sighed heavily and moved back to the gurney, pulling himself up and leaning back against the backboard.  Swallowing hard, he began to scroll through his messages, finding all sorts of missed calls from a woman named Rose.

“You wanna tell me somethin’?”

“Hmm?”

“You know who Rose is?”

“Rose?  Uh…no.  Why?” 

“No reason,” Daryl muttered, rubbing his forehead with his thumb and forefinger.  Judging by the amount of calls he’d gotten, Rose clearly had wanted to talk to him the past few days.  The last call had come in earlier that day.  He checked the texts, but there was nothing from her at all.    

“You going to lie still so I can go get these tests ordered, or do I have to restrain you?”

“Go on.  Just…hurry up.  Got six months of my life to try and get back.”

“Just hang in there.  The sooner we get these tests done, the sooner we figure out what’s up.  Might have to do an x-ray on those ribs, too.  You’re pretty banged up.”  Daryl grumbled something, but Glenn was already out the door.  With a sigh, Daryl turned back to his phone.  He called his voicemail, but there were no messages. 

He thought about calling this number, this _Rose_ , but as he was about to dial, he heard a gentle tap at the metal frame of the exam room.  He glanced over to see Carol standing there with her arm in a sling.  She was bruised up, but she looked like she was alright.

“Hey,” he murmured, starting to sit up.

“You shouldn’t,” she said quietly.  “You should…lie down.  Just rest.  I, um, I wanted to thank you for everything you did for me and for my little girl.  She said you were kind to her, and for that, I’m grateful.”

“Don’t gotta thank me for that,” he murmured. 

“Are you ok?  Are you…”

“Think so,” he said with a nod.  “’Cept, I’m missin’ a big chunk of the last six months.  Ain’t that a bitch, huh?”  He glanced at her and saw her lower lip tremble.

“Oh,” she said quietly.  “God, I’m so sorry.”

“Wasn’t your fault.  They’re gonna run some tests.  Stuff like this is usually temporary.  Accidents happen.  I know that more’n anybody.  Don’t know how many people come through this ER every day ‘cause of a car accident.  It ain’t your fault.”

“It was.  I…I was arguing with my husband.  We’d been arguing, and…and he was just…I made him angry.”

“Hey,” he murmured, sitting up a little.  “I ain’t blamin’ you.  You been through more’n enough tonight.  You and your girl.  Don’t you go worryin’ about me.”  He saw her blink back the tears, and that was when a little blonde girl poked her head into the room from around Carol’s side.  Carol pulled her arm across the girl’s shoulders. 

“Dr. Daryl?” the little girl asked softly.

“Hey, kid,” he said with a little nod.  “Heard you got yourself in the cast club.”

“Not yet,” Sophia pouted.  “But I want a purple one.”

“I’ll let my friend Glenn know.  He’s good at puttin’ on casts.”  Sophia grinned, revealing her two front teeth were missing.

“Sophia wanted to thank you for everything you’ve done tonight,” Carol said quietly.  She gently urged her daughter forward.  “Go on, honey.”  Sophia hurried over to Daryl’s side, and she stood on her tiptoes to give him a kiss on the cheek.

“Thank you, Dr. Daryl.”   She grinned at him again before hurrying back over to her mother. 

“Come on, honey,” Carol urged.  “Let’s let the nice man rest, ok?”  Sophia nodded, and Carol glanced back at Daryl.

“Would it be ok if I stopped by later?  You know, to check on you?  I feel so guilty.”  Daryl nodded then, and as Carol turned away, he called to her.

“Hey.”  She turned around.  “I’m real sorry about what happened to your husband.”  Carol flinched.

“Thank you,” she said quietly.  “Can I get you anything?”

“Just go get yourself some rest.”

“I’m fine,” she said quietly.  “Don’t think I feel very much like sleeping, you know?”  Daryl nodded a little in understanding.  “I’ll see you later.”  She headed off, and Daryl rested his head back against the pillow, unable to get the grief-stricken look on her face out of his head.  He closed his eyes and hoped that when he woke, the last six months would be back, and he could get on with his life.

With a sigh, he took a look at his cell phone, and after a few minutes of debating, he called Rose.  It rang six times before beeping.  No message.  No nothing. 

“Uh, hey.  This is Daryl Dixon.  I know this is gonna sound strange, but I had this number on my phone, and I don’t know who it belongs to?  I’ve been in an accident, and my memory’s real fuzzy.  If you could call me back, let me know who you are, maybe it’ll help me remember.  Uh, thanks.” 

He put his phone down and closed his eyes, hoping that this was all just a bad dream. 

*~*~*~*~*

“Mrs. Peletier?” a nurse asked, walking into the room.  “Mrs. Peletier, I’m Jacqui.  I’m your nurse.  Looks like you’re spending a night with us here, just for observation?”

“Yes, but…please.  Don’t call me Mrs. Peletier.  I’m Carol.”

“Carol.  Ok.  Carol, I’m very sorry for your loss.  If you’d like to speak to a grief counselor, we can set that up for you and for your little girl.”

“No thank you,” Carol said a bit stiffly.  “That won’t be necessary.”  She was relieved when Jacqui didn’t look shocked at her statement.  “Have you seen Sophia?  She’s in with the doctor getting a cast right now.”

“And she’s sucking on a lollipop and giggling at his really bad jokes.”

“Oh,” Carol murmured with a sigh of relief.   “Is that man going to be ok?  The doctor from the wreck?”

“Honey, I’m sure he’s going to be just fine.  He’s just a little banged up, is all.”

“He said he can’t remember the last six months,” Carol said quietly.

“That happens sometimes.  I’m sure it’s only temporary.”

“I hope you’re right.”

“Dr. Dixon’s a good man.  He’s kind of a hero around these parts.  I’ve seen him do some amazing things in the ER.  See, he usually runs the traumas, gets patients stable before sending them up for surgery.”  She smiled a little.  “I think he’s been distracted lately.  Probably by a girl.  Those Dixon brothers couldn’t be any more different if they tried, but the one thing they have in common is their love of the ladies.”  Jacqui chuckled and shook her head.  “I’m sorry.  That was inappropriate.”

“It’s alright,” Carol said quietly.  She felt dizzy again, and she put her hand to her forehead.  “I could use something for this headache.”

“Of course,” Jacqui said quietly.  “I’ll put an order in for something.  Don’t worry.  It won’t hurt the baby.”  She turned toward the doorway, and Carol nodded as her mind slowly processed the words.  Then her eyes widened.

“What baby?”  Jacqui turned toward her with her file in her arms. 

“You didn’t…know?”

“Know what?  What’s there to know?”

“Honey, you’re pregnant.  You really didn’t know?”

“No.  I…”

“When you were brought in, you were out of it, but there was some bleeding.  They did an ultrasound to make sure it wasn’t internal, and there was a heartbeat.  They measured the fetus at about ten weeks.”

“Ten weeks,” she murmured.  “Oh God.”  Her eyes widened again.  “I was bleeding?  The baby?  Am I gonna lose it?”

“The bleeding stopped.  You were having some cramping, and that stopped too.  The doctor will probably be in later to run some tests, but I wouldn’t worry right now.  Just be glad you and your little girl are alright.  Just…be thankful to God for that.”

“God never did much for me,” Carol said quietly.  “But if he’s out there, I could use a prayer or two right now.”  Jacqui gave her a sympathetic smile before nodding. 

“I’ll get you something to help with the pain.” 

“Thank you,” Carol murmured numbly, putting her hand over her forehead.  She leaned back against the pillow and replayed the events of the evening back and her head.  The way Ed had looked at her like she was dirt, the way he’d slapped her around and dragged her out to the car, the way he’d carried a sleeping Sophia out there and put her in the back seat.  God it was a wonder Sophia had made it out at all.  Maybe she truly did have someone watching over them after all.

She felt sick then, and she swallowed hard to will the nausea away. 

“This isn’t happening,” she whispered.  “This isn’t real.  It’s not real.” 

*~*~*~*~*

“Good news and bad news, man,” Glenn said, pointing to the images on the computer screen.  “Good news is, Briggs in Neuro didn’t see any permanent damage.  Bad news is, you’ve got a concussion.  You’ll live.”

“And my memory?”

“Well, the good news is, you still know who you are, you know that you’re a doctor.  You’ve just lost some time.”

“So it’s like the world’s worst blackout hangover?” Daryl asked.

“Something like that,” Glenn said with a nod.  “You might get your memories back, you might not.  But at least you’re alive.”

“Shit,” Daryl murmured, rubbing his head. 

“Careful.  That glue only holds so long as you don’t pick at it.”

“You glued me?”

“You really want a big Frankenstein scar on your forehead?  Yeah, I glued you.”  Daryl glared at him for a minute before settling back down.

“Alright,” Daryl murmured.  “So you saw me around, right, Rhee?  Anything important happen I should know about?”

“Uh, you saved like a hundred people.  Uh…”

“Not here.  I mean, yeah, here, but not work stuff.”

“Oh.  Well, you got a new tattoo.”

“Where?”

“Shoulder.”  Daryl pulled up the gown sleeve on his right shoulder.  Nothing.  On his left shoulder was a small and simple tattoo of a flower.  Daryl narrowed his yes.  “A flower?  What the hell was I thinkin’?”

“Heard you telling somebody it was a Cherokee Rose.  Oh!  _Rose_!”  Daryl narrowed his eyes again and looked down at his cell phone.  “Ah, the mystery deepens.”

“So you ain’t got no idea who Rose is?”

“No.  I remember seeing you come to work with a stupid grin on your face more than once, so I figured you were getting laid, but you never said a word.”  Daryl sighed heavily.  “See?  Bad things happen when you don’t share gossip.”  Daryl glared at Glenn, who swallowed hard and backed away.  “Look, the good news is, a lot of people who lose time start to remember.  I’d start with calling Rose if I was you.”

“I tried.  No answer.”

“Well, try again,” Glenn said with a shrug.  “Whoever she is, she must be important to you.”

“Must be,” Daryl murmured, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose.

“You can go home in the morning.  We just want to monitor you tonight, make sure you’re out of the woods, you know?”

“Yeah, thanks.”

“Oh, and your ribs aren’t broken.  Just bruised.  I wouldn’t suggest any heavy lifting or, you know, uh, strenuous activity for the next couple weeks.”

“Yeah, got it,” Daryl grumbled.  “Ain’t you got patients to tend to?”

“Anybody ever tell you that you don’t talk like a doctor?”

“Every damned day,” Daryl snorted, as Glenn turned away.  “Hey, Rhee?”  The intern turned back toward him.

“Yeah?”

“Thanks, man.”

“Hey, that’s what we do,” Glenn said with a nod.  “Get some rest.”  Daryl nodded and settled back down in the bed, grabbing for his cell phone again.  With a sigh, he tried Rose’s number again.

*~*~*~*

Carol rolled to her side in her bed, tears flooding her eyes as she listened to her cell phone buzzing away in the bag of her personal belongings.  She squeezed her eyes shut tightly, rolling away from the sound, trying desperately to ignore it. 

“Oh, honey,” came a soft voice from behind her.  She felt a hand on her shoulder.  “Honey, I know it must be hard.”  Carol rolled slightly to see a young woman with long, dark hair.  Her name badge said Lori Grimes, RN.  “I heard what happened.  I know he’s gone, but you still have your little girl and your own life.  I’m so sorry for your loss.”  Carol began to sob then, and she turned back onto her side and covered her face with her hands as her cell phone continued to buzz, hanging in the bag off of the back of the bedside chair.  


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

_March 2015_

_Daryl checked his pager as he sat on the empty gurney just outside of the ER doors.  He crumpled up the empty potato chip bag and tossed it into the trash bin.  He groaned, rubbing his eyes as he drank the last sip of coffee.  He’d come in at five that morning, and it was already nine p.m.  Normally, he didn’t mind being on call, but tonight was wearing on him.  They’d had a multiple vehicle crash out on I85, and he’d lost more than he’d saved.  But the chaotic hum that surrounded the ER had died down, and most of the accident victims were either in a room, in surgery or in the morgue._

_“Hey, Dixon.”  Daryl looked up to find the chief of surgery, Dale Horvath, standing in the doorway._

_“Yessir?”_

_“I know it’s been a bad day, but I also know you’re the on-call for the ER.  I need you to take care of a patient.”_

_“What kind of trauma?”_

_“No trauma.  Just a sick little girl.  Probably tonsillitis.”_

_“Can you get Rhee or one of the other interns?”_

_“Rhee went home, and the other interns are tied up in surgery or doing labs and charts.  I need you, Daryl.”  Daryl let out a slow breath and tossed his empty coffee cup in the trash bin._

_“What room?”_

_“6B.”_

_“Alright.  Got the chart?”  Dale nodded and handed it over to Daryl._

_“Uh, a word of advice?  Pay attention to the mother.  I think she’s in pain, but she seems to be trying to hide it.”_

_“Where’s the dad?”_

_“Not here,” Dale replied quietly with raised eyebrows._

_“Alright.  Got it.”  Daryl took a peek at the chart.  The child was a five-year-old female, and he wasn’t used to working with kids unless they were an incoming trauma.  Still, he knew he could handle it.  He’d done the rounds before, he’d even done a pediatric fellowship a few years back before becoming the Trauma Attending at Grady Memorial Hospital.  Still, it had been a while since he’d checked on some tonsils or dealt with the sniffles._

_He made his way down the hall toward 6B, where he found a very worried woman with short, auburn brown hair pacing in the hallway._

_“Are you the doctor?” she asked._

_“Yes, ma’am.  I’m Dr. Dixon.”_

_“We’ve been waiting for over an hour, and I just want someone to take a look at my daughter.”  He noticed the way she held one arm against her stomach, cradling the wrist with her other hand as if it pained her._

_“I’m sorry for the wait, ma’am.”_

_“Carol,” she said quietly.  “Carol Peletier.”  Daryl nodded._

_“It’s Sophia, right?  Your little girl?”_

_“Yes.  She’s five, and she’s scared.  She doesn’t like hospitals.”  Daryl nodded in understanding and followed the woman into the room, where a frightened little girl had her blanket pulled up over her nose.  Two frightened hazel eyes peeked out at him._

_“Hey there, Sophia,” he said softly.  “I hear you don’t like hospitals much, huh?”  She shook her head.  “Well, I’m a doctor, and I just want to take a peek in your mouth.  It ok if I do that?”  She shook her head again._

_“Oh.  Alright.  Well, see…”  He reached into one of the drawers and pulled out a purple lollipop.  “I was gonna give you one of these after we were done, but if you don’t want it.”  She nodded her head and pulled the covers away from her face.  “Oh.  Look at that.  She’s got a face.”  Sophia’s worried expression softened, and she looked at her mother, who smiled back at her patiently.  “Now I got this little flashlight here.  I’m just gonna shine it in your mouth, and then I’m gonna look at the back of your throat.  It ok if I do that?”  Sophia glanced anxiously at her mother and shook her head._

_“Honey, it won’t hurt.  I promise, this nice doctor just wants to make you feel better.  Can you give him a quick peek?”_

_“Quick as a rabbit?” Sophia asked softly._

_“Quick as a rabbit,” Carol said with a little smile.  “Go on, sweetheart.”  Sophia frowned before slowly opening her mouth.  Daryl scooted his chair in and directed the light at the back of the girl’s throat.  He nodded and tilted her chin slightly to get a better angle._

_“Yep.  Just what I thought.”_

_“What is it?” Carol asked worriedly._

_“She’s got some pretty swollen tonsils.”_

_“Oh no,” Carol murmured._

_“Hey, now, don’t worry, mom.  This just means you’re gonna have to buy her some ice cream and some Jello and whatever else she wants.”  Sophia’s eyes brightened, and Carol let out a soft chuckle.  “Sophia, I know ya don’t like hospitals, but do you think you’d mind stayin’ just one night?”_

_“No.  I wanna be with my mommy,” Sophia insisted._

_“Now, you don’t gotta worry, kiddo.  Your mama can stay right with you when you sleep.  See, you’ve got some pretty angry tonsils in the back of your throat.  They wanna get out, and if they don’t, they’re just gonna make you feel worse.”_

_“I don’t wanna feel worse,” Sophia said with a whimper._

_“See, what we gotta do is get ‘em outta there.  Tell them tonsils it’s time to hit the road.”_

_“How?” the girl asked, sitting up in the bed a bit._

_“See, it happens when you’re asleep.  They’ll take you into a room, and you don’t gotta be scared, ‘cause this is the room they make the tonsils go away, alright?”  Sophia nodded.  “And they’ll put something on your face.  You ever see Star Wars?”_

_“Uh-huh.”_

_“Well, you know that guy Darth Vader?”_

_“Yeah!”_

_“Well, see, you’ll breathe into that thing, and you’ll feel like Darth.  See?”  He picked up an oxygen mask that was hanging on the wall, and he put it over his own face.  “Luke, I am your father…”  Sophia giggled.  “And when you wake up, no more tonsils.”_

_“No more tonsils?”_

_“Nope.  And your throat will still be sore, but you get all the ice cream and Jello you want.  And the nice nurses on the kids’ floor will let you pick out a toy to take home.”_

_“Really?!  Mama, can we stay?” Sophia asked, getting a relieved chuckle out of Carol.  “I’m not scared anymore, mommy.  Please?”_

_“I should call my husband,” she said softly.  “Sophia, mommy’ll be right back, ok?”_

_“Ok,” she said with a nod._

_“Doctor, can I speak with you outside?”_

_“Sure.  You sit tight, Sophia.”  He handed her the grape lollipop, and she happily pulled the wrapper off and popped it into her mouth.  Daryl followed Carol out into the hall, and he made a mental note of how she still held her wrist so gently with her other hand._

_“She’s so young, and the last time she spent more than a few hours at the hospital was when she was born.  Do you understand?” Carol asked softly, voice shaking._

_“I understand.  And if ya don’t wanna go through with the surgery, that’s fine.  She’ll be alright either way, but I’d suggest havin’ ‘em removed.”_

_“Yeah,” Carol said quietly.  “I had mine done as a kid, too.  It’s probably for the best, but I just…she’s my baby.”_

_“Hey, I get it.  Ain’t gonna be a way to get her up to surgery ‘til mornin’ anyway, so you can take the night to think on it.”  Carol nodded her thanks. “Want me to take a look at that?”  He nodded toward her arm._

_“Oh, this?  I sprained my wrist hurrying Sophia out to the car,” she said quietly.  “I’m such a klutz sometimes.”_

_“I can put that in a splint, get you fixed up.”_

_“Really, I don’t need…”_

_“Look, c’mon.  We ain’t busy.  Can just fix you up and not even chart it.  Don’t say nothin’, ‘cause my ass could be out of a job, but…”_

_“It’s fine.  Really.  I don’t need anything.”  At the doctor’s look, she sighed and held her arm out.  He gently took her hand and rolled the wrist, gauging her response.  When she winced, he nodded._

_“Ain’t broke, but you’re gonna need to rest it.  Let me wrap it for you.”  She finally just nodded and followed him into an empty room.  He flipped the light on, and she sat down.  He started pulling a bandage wrap out of plastic, and Carol bit her lip.  She looked like she was preparing for a barrage of questions.  Maybe she was used to it, maybe she often had injuries she had to excuse away._

_“Since Sophia don’t seem to be hurt, I ain’t gonna press it, but bein’ a doctor, if that little girl had even had a bruise on her, I could call the police.”_

_“Please…”_

_“See these bruises on your wrist?  That ain’t from bein’ clumsy.  Someone grabbed you.”  He gently wrapped her wrist.  “And a man who’d put his hands on his wife like that don’t deserve to be protected.”_

_“It was just the once.  It was…we were arguing, and he…”_

_“Yeah, I know,” he said quietly.  “He promised he wouldn’t ever do it again.  And you don’t believe him, but you want to.”  He put a couple of aluminum clips along the edge of the wrapping to hold it in place._

_“He’s never hurt her.  He never would.”_

_“He saves it all for you?”  Carol looked away._

_“You don’t know me.  You don’t know us.  Please don’t say anything.  Please.”_

_“Nope, but I been there, lady.  You ain’t gotta tell me.  I know what it’s like to hide the bruises.”  He cleared his throat and let go of her hand.  “You’re all set.  No charge.”_

_“Thank you,” she said quietly, gripping her wrist gently with her other hand.  “And thank you…for Sophia.”_

_“Yeah,” he said quietly.  “I’ll have them admit her, get her up to peds for a room.”  He stopped in the doorway and turned to look at her.  “You ask me, your husband’s an idiot for not appreciatin’ what he’s got.  And if I ever see your girl in my ER with anything bigger than a paper cut, I’ll call the police, and I’ll have his ass thrown in jail.”  With that, he stuffed his hands in his pockets and started out of the room, leaving Carol to her thoughts._


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

It was three in the morning, and there was no sleeping tonight.  Despite having been moved to different floor away from the bustle of the ER, Carol couldn’t sleep.  She kept replaying the moment he’d appeared at her car window over and over in her head.  He’d called her ma’am, and he hadn’t even known who she was.  After all those months, she was a stranger to him, and it was a tragedy and a blessing at the same time. 

It had been her fault.  And now he didn’t even know.  He couldn’t hate her if he didn’t know.  But she ached inside knowing that these past few months were gone, and he might never get them back.  She would remember.  How could she forget? 

He’d seen her, he’d held her hand, he’d assured her that everything was going to be alright, and he had no idea that that wasn’t the first time.  It wasn’t the first time she’d looked into his eyes and trusted with absolute certainty that one day they would be together and be free and not have the shadow of Ed hanging over them.  Well, now Ed was gone, and Daryl couldn’t remember her, and she felt so very alone in this world.

But she wasn’t alone.  She had Sophia, who had a room somewhere on the pediatric unit and she had this baby that she hadn’t even known about.  She felt the knot in her stomach tighten as she thought about how much of a mess she’d made things.  If only she’d just left Ed.  If only she’d done as he’d asked her before and just take Sophia and run.  She’d been a coward, and she hated herself for what she’d done to him.  To them.

She clutched the sides of the bed as she sat up and bowed her head, focusing on her breathing to try to control the nausea. 

The squeak of rubber against the tile floor distracted her, and she looked up to see Nurse Lori coming in.

“Hey.  You ok?  You need something?”  Lori grabbed a small plastic pan off of the bedside table and handed it to Carol. 

“No,” Carol said with a shake of her head.  “I think it’s passing.  I think…”  And then the bile hit the back of her throat, and she retched into the pan.  Lori gently rubbed her back as she finished and spat into the pan.  Tears burned her eyes, and she sniffled, wiping at her face with her fingertips.  Lori went to the bathroom and flushed the contents of the pan down the toilet before returning to Carol’s side.

“Honey, you’ve been through the ringer,” Lori said quietly.  “You should rest.”

“I can’t sleep.”

“I can get you something to help…”

“No.  I don’t want to take anything else.”  She shook her head and ran her fingers through her hair.  She blinked through the tears. 

“Can I get you anything?”

“My phone,” Carol said softly. 

“Sure.  You need a charger?  We’ve got all kinds in the lost and found.”

“No, I think it’s fine,” Carol replied quietly.  Lori fetched the bag and fished through it until she came out with the phone.  “Ooh, somebody’s been blowing up your phone.  Looks like you have nine missed calls from an ‘Archer.’  Important?”  Carol nodded her head and let out a dry laugh as she stared at the bright screen. 

“Yeah.  They were important.  They…still are.”  She sniffled and shook her head.  “Thank you.”

“Anytime,” Lori said with a nod.  “You try and rest.  My shift ends in a few hours, and you’ll have Jacqui again.  I think you met her down in the ER?”

“Uh-huh,” Carol said with a nod.  “Yeah.  Thank you.”  Lori stepped out of the room, and Carol turned her attention back to her phone.  She saw she had one voice mail, and she listened to it with tears wetting her eyelashes.  She hated this.

“Please stop calling,” she whispered.  “It’ll be better that way.”  The phone buzzed in her hand, and she saw he was trying to call her again.  She swallowed hard, and her finger hovered over the answer button.  But she couldn’t do it.  Still, she found herself wanting to go to him, wanting to be near him and make sure he was ok. 

Finally, the phone beeped, and a text message popped up.  They never texted each other.  It was like leaving a paper trail.  No texts and no voicemails. 

_I have this number on my phone, and I can’t get an answer.  I was in an accident, and I need some answers.  Who are you?_

“I’m so sorry, Daryl,” she whimpered.  “I’m so sorry.”

*~*~*~*~*

Morning came, and Daryl’s headache was slightly better, but he still felt like hell.  Considering his truck was in need of some serious repairs from the accident, he had no way to get home, so he was waiting out front of the hospital on a cab.

The hospital had been kind enough to donate him a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt from lost and found, and he was digging through his bag of personal possessions for a pack of smokes.  He found it slightly odd that he wasn’t craving it.  It was just something to do while he waited.  And there wasn’t a damned cigarette to be found. 

He couldn’t help but let out a chuckle.  Maybe he’d quit smoking and couldn’t remember.  There was a lot of things, he was certain, that he couldn’t remember.  Six months was a pretty big chunk of a person’s life.  Half of a year.   He hated not knowing what he’d done, who he’d met, who Rose was.  He also couldn’t help but think about the stranger he’d met yesterday with the piercing blue eyes.  Carol.  He’d dreamed of her the night before, though everything in his dream had been fuzzy around the edges, she’d been there.  He’d felt her there, like a heartbeat.  He’d woken up with her name on his lips, and he didn’t understand it.  Maybe it was the fact that they’d been in that wreck together.  None of it made any sense at all, but something deep down inside felt a connection to this woman that he couldn’t explain.

“Dr. Daryl!”  Daryl turned to see Sophia hurrying over ahead of her mother.  Carol’s mouth was set in an anxious line, but Sophia was thrilled to see him. 

“Hey, kid,” he murmured.  “Looks like you got sprung from the big house, too, huh?”

“”Huh?” Sophia asked.

“Nothin’,” Daryl chuckled.  “Cool cast.”

“It’s purple,” Sophia grinned.  “Dr. Glenn let me pick.”

“Told you he would,” Daryl said with a nod.  He glanced up at Carol and gave her a nod of acknowledgement.  “You two got a way home?”

“I have a car at home,” Carol said quietly.   “We’re just waiting on a cab.”

“Me too,” Daryl said with a nod.  “We can share.”

“Oh, that’s alright.  You were here first.  We can wait.”

“Where you live?  Might be on the way?”  Carol swallowed hard and took Sophia’s hand.

“Over on Beach Avenue.”

“Oh, I know the place.  Nice.  I ain’t too far from that.  We can split the fare, huh?”

“Yeah, can we, mom?” Sophia asked hopefully.  Carol sighed and gave her a little nod and a smile.

“Alright.”  She sat down next to Daryl on the bench, while Sophia distracted herself by watching a new mom with a baby being wheeled out the front doors.

“We ever meet before?” Daryl asked quietly, picking at the cuticle on his thumbnail. 

“Um…maybe?  I…I brought Sophia here a long while back to have her tonsils out,” Carol said cautiously, keeping her eyes on him as she spoke.  Daryl frowned and shook his head. 

“Nah, can’t remember no kid with bad tonsils.”  He glanced at her.  “You ok?”

“I’m fine.  Sophia’s fine.  A little confused, but she’s going to be ok.”

“About your husband…”

“My husband stopped being my husband a long time ago,” she said quietly.  She cleared her throat.  “I tried to convince myself that time and medicine and therapy could help him, but he didn’t get better.  He got worse, and to look back on it, I think it was there all along, somewhere under the surface, and he just broke.  He broke, and he wasn’t the same.”  She stopped herself.

“God, I’m sorry.  I’m sorry, I shouldn’t even be…you don’t want to hear this.”

“It’s alright,” he said quietly.  “Hey.  You wanna…you wanna get some breakfast?  I know that hospital food ain’t exactly the best.”

“Oh, I couldn’t…we should get home.”

“Hey, it’s on me.  If my wallet’s still in here.”  He rummaged through his bag.  “Yep.  And I got a fifty in there.  My treat?”  She eyed him warily.  “You’re just gonna go home and be reminded of all kinds of shit ya don’t wanna remember.  So let’s go eat instead.”  She smiled then.  She actually smiled through her tears, and it was the most beautiful, heartbreaking thing he’d ever seen. 

“You really don’t have to.”

“Hey, I ain’t ready to go home just yet myself.  Hell, maybe my house ain’t even there anymore.  Might have moved in the last six months and don’t even know it.”  He saw her shoulders shake a little, and he wasn’t sure if she was laughing or crying, but she nodded her head in agreement anyway.

“Thank you,” she said softly.  “Thank you.”


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Smiley-face pancake for Sophia.  Two eggs over easy and French toast for Carol.  A ham and cheese omelet and a side of bacon for Daryl.  By the time they finished breakfast, it was nearly lunch time, and now they were sitting outside the small diner, and Sophia was drawing hearts on her cast with a crayon that had come with her placemat.

Carol watched the way Daryl fidgeted with his wallet, checking his ID to see if he’d changed addresses.  He hadn’t.  She noticed the way his fingers twitched, the way he’d reach for the pack of cigarettes in his pocket, even though there were no cigarettes to be found.  He’d quit smoking three months ago, and he didn’t even know it. 

There were so many things she wanted to say to him, to remind him of, but at the same time, the nagging guilt in the pit of her stomach over the accident and everything that had happened with Ed was holding her back.  She wanted him to know the truth.  He deserved that much.  But maybe the truth was worse.   What would he do when he found out about them, about everything they’d done together despite her marriage to Ed?  Would he feel differently about her now?  Would he hate her for dragging him into this?  Would he take on the guilt over Ed’s death himself, even though it wasn’t his fault at all?  It was all too much.  Not telling him sounded like the better solution, but ultimately, there was always the chance he would remember on his own, and maybe he’d hate her more for keeping the truth from him.  And now her stomach hurt.

“You ok?” he asked, gently reaching out to touch her shoulder.  “You’re white as a sheet.”

“It’s nothing,” she promised, though the lurch in her stomach said otherwise.  She put her hand over her mouth and made a dash for the bushes, where she threw up her breakfast.  In her hurry, she’d dropped her bag from the hospital, and the contents came spilling out.

“Mommy?  You ok?” Sophia asked, looking up from the diner steps.  Daryl knelt down to gather Carol’s dropped items, and one of the bottles was unmistakably a bottle of prenatal vitamins with a sticker from the hospital pharmacy.  He quickly tucked the bottle back in her bag and moved to her side.

“I’m alright.  Breakfast just didn’t agree with me,” she murmured, wiping her mouth with a napkin.  She took the bag from Daryl, and he ducked his head slightly.

“The baby’s alright?  The accident didn’t hurt it?”  Carol’s eyes widened for a moment before she glanced over at Sophia, who was back to drawing hearts on her cast. 

“The baby’s fine.  I’m fine.  I, uh, just found out.”  She looked up to meet his gaze, blue against blue, and for a moment, she thought she saw a flicker of recognition in his eyes, but she knew it was an illusion.  “Thank you.”

“You gonna be ok?”

“I’ve got a funeral to plan,” she said quietly. 

“Look, if you or your girl need anything…”

“Why are you being so nice?  We’re strangers to you,” she said sharply.  “You don’t owe us anything.”  Daryl said nothing.  He just watched her for a moment.  “I’m sorry.  I’m so tired, and I know that was rude.”

“S’alright.”  He cleared his throat.  “I know it sounds weird, but I feel like I know you.  Like we met before.”  Carol looked away.  “I had this dream last night, and I think you were there.  I can’t remember it, but I remember you.”

“You were probably dreaming of the crash,” Carol said quietly.

“Maybe,” Daryl murmured.  He chewed at the side of his thumbnail, and a cab pulled up.  “Wanna take this one?”  Carol nodded, and she took Sophia by the hand, leading her over.  They piled in together, and they each gave their addresses.  Daryl’s place was closer, so the cabbie headed for his place first.  They were quiet all the way there, as Sophia played a game on Carol’s cell phone.

When the driver pulled up outside of Daryl’s place, so much came flooding back in that moment for Carol, and all she wanted to do was go inside and curl up on the couch with him and let him hold her.  She wanted to feel the warmth of his body against hers, feel the whispers of his words against her ear.  She just wanted to know that everything would be alright, but maybe it wouldn’t.  What they’d had together had been so unexpected, but despite the situation, it had been the most beautiful, exciting thing she’d ever experienced, a sharp contrast to the last months with Ed, not knowing what or who she’d find waiting for her at home.

“You sure you don’t need anything?” Daryl asked quietly, as he put one hand on the door handle. 

“We’ll be fine,” Carol promised, curling her arm around Sophia’s shoulders.  “You take care of yourself, Daryl.”  He nodded, opening the car door.  Something inside of him ached then, and he couldn’t help himself.

“Here.”  He reached into his pocket for his wallet.  He pulled out a business card, and Carol felt her lip begin to tremble.  He scrawled something on the back.  His cell phone number.  “If you ever wanna talk…just give me a call.  I’m probably gonna be off work for a few days, so…”

“Yeah,” she said softly.  “Um, me too.”

“Do I have to go to school, Mommy?”

“Not for a few days,” Carol promised.  She blinked back tears.  She took the card between her fingers and nodded her thanks at Daryl, despite the fact that everything inside of her was begging her to just tell him the truth.  But the moment passed when he got out of the cab, and he gave her a little wave before heading up the path to his front door.

“Mommy, I like him,” Sophia said softly, as the cab pulled away.

“Me too, sweetheart.  Me too.”

*~*~*~*~*

Daryl sighed as he settled down on the couch with his laptop.  He kept his phone close, but there were no messages, no missed call.  He’d thought for a while about deleting this Rose person from his contacts, but he decided against it, deciding to give her the benefit of the doubt.  Maybe she hadn’t checked her phone.  Maybe she wasn’t near her phone.  Maybe they’d had a falling out and weren’t on speaking terms.  Hell, maybe she’d been a one night stand, and the tattoo had been a drunken mistake.  But then that didn’t explain all of the missed calls.

He checked his e-mail and caught up on the news, and then he was about to close down the computer when he saw a folder on his desktop labeled _Everything_.  He frowned, not remembering creating such a file.  So he clicked it, and what appeared on his screen was a series of photos.  He began to click through them.  The first several were of a coffee shop, of two pale hands wrapped around a big mug.  There was a wedding ring on one finger, but the focus seemed to be on how soft and beautiful the hands were.  They were very feminine.

The next few photos were of a sunrise looking out of what appeared to be one of the hospital windows.  Then a picture of bare feet.  None of it made any sense.  Then there was a woman, face blocked by her hands as she turned away from the lens.  She had short, auburn brown hair, and it was then that his heart jumped into his chest.  The next picture was unmistakably of his room, of the silhouette of this woman against the sunset coming through his open window.  He felt a tugging in his chest as he clicked to the next picture, and it was then that he saw her face, only he was certain she hadn’t even known this picture had been taken, because she was fast asleep wearing one of his shirts, curled up on his side of the bed.  And it was that same face he’d seen in his dream, the same face he’d looked at and wondered why he felt so connected to her.  It was Carol, and on the back of her shoulder was the same tattoo he’d found on himself.  A Cherokee Rose. 


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

_“He hurt you again?” Daryl asked quietly, as he sat across from Carol at the same little coffee shop they’d been meeting at twice a week for the past month.  It was a rainy April afternoon, and Carol had been a little jittery the second she walked in the door._

_“No,” she said quietly.  “He’s on his meds, but he’s…he’s so depressed.  Sophia wanted to play with him last night, and he just sat there, and he wouldn’t talk to her.  It breaks my heart, Daryl.  I know he can’t help it.  He’s trying.  He’d told me he’s trying.  He’s getting help, but I just…”_

_“What?”_

_“I’m going to sound like a horrible person.”_

_“No you ain’t.  You can talk to me.”_

_“Right.  You’re a doctor.”_

_“Well, you ain’t my patient, but yeah, you can talk to me, and it ain’t gonna go further than this.”  Carol sighed heavily and took another sip of coffee._

_“I’ve been trying to remember the way things used to be, the way he was with me and with Sophia before everything went bad at work.  Before he tried to…”  She flinched, not wanting to even finish the sentence, but he knew.  “I don’t love him, Daryl.  I try.  I try to remember that he’s getting help, and maybe our family can be like it was again, but I don’t think it can be.  I don’t love him anymore.  I love who he used to be.  But he’s not that man anymore, and I don’t think he ever will be again.”  She swallowed hard.  “I must be the most selfish person you’ve ever met.”_

_“You ain’t,” he promised._

_“I don’t want to be the woman that fell out of love with her husband.”_

_“You’re afraid,” he said quietly, watching the way she fidgeted with her wedding band.  She looked up at him in surprise.  “You’re waitin’ for the next time he forgets he’s tryin’ to get better, and he hits you again.”_

_“Daryl…”_

_“It’s in there.  He gets angry, and there’s gonna be a time when he just flies into a rage.  And maybe he can’t help it, maybe he can, but he’s gonna tell you that he couldn’t help it, that he’s sorry, that it won’t happen again.  I’ve seen it.”_

_“You sound like you have personal experience with it,” she said softly._

_“My daddy killed my mama and then himself when I was eight.  He used to hurt her, and he’d tell her he was sorry, and he’d tell her he’d never do it again.  He was just a mean old bastard, and he’d hurt her ‘cause he knew she’d do what he wanted, hopin’ he wouldn’t hurt her again.”_

_“Daryl, I’m so sorry,” Carol said softly, reaching out to put her hand over his.  “I can’t imagine what that must have been like for you.”_

_“You can get through anything, but you just gotta keep survivin’,” he said quietly.  He watched her look down into her almost empty cup, and he saw her posture change then.  Her shoulders slumped just a little, and she looked back up at him._

_“I’m tired, Daryl.  I’m tired of being yelled at.  I’m tired of being told I’m…I’m worthless.  He won’t touch me.  He just lashes out. He doesn’t treat me like I’m his wife most of the time.  There are still bad days.  There are days I’ll wait for Sophia to get off the school bus, and I’ll take her off in the car so she won’t have to go in to see him like that.  I hate it, Daryl.  I hate that we have to live like this.”_

_“You could leave.”_

_“How do I leave?  He could hurt himself.  He could…”_

_“That ain’t on you,” Daryl said quietly.  “You can’t blame yourself for that.  You know that, right”  Carol nodded and blinked back the tears._

_“I know,” she murmured, voice wavering._

_“You gotta work today?”_

_“I already did.  It was a half day.”  Daryl glanced at her.  “I’m a teacher.”_

_“Christ, how do you do that?”_

_“It takes a lot of patience.  I teach second grade.  If you put me in with the seventh graders, I might kill them all.”  Daryl snorted at that, and he couldn’t help but feel warmed by the bit of humor she displayed despite everything else that was so grim in her life._

_“So how do ya go from teachin’ all them little kids all day to goin’ home and dealin’ with your husband?”_

_“I don’t know,” she admitted.  “I really don’t.”  Clearing her throat, and started to get up._

_“You wanna get out of here?”_

_“And go where?” she asked with a laugh.  “Anywhere.  The lake.  Somewhere you ain’t gotta go think about Ed.”_

_“I have to pick up Sophia.”_

_“Where’s she at?”_

_“At her grandmother’s.  Ed’s mother’s house.”_

_“She can’t stay a little longer?”  Carol smiled a little and shrugged her shoulders._

_“She could, but I told her I’d be back soon.  I appreciate the offer though.”  She started to pull some money out of her purse, but Daryl put his hand over hers._

_“You ain’t gotta do that.”_

_“It was my turn to buy, so I’m buying.”  She placed the money down on the table.  “I’ll be right back.”  She scooted her char back and got up to head to the back of the shop.  Daryl watched her walk away, and he couldn’t help but feel the urge to go after her.  These past few weeks, he’d started to feel closer to her than he’d ever felt to anyone in his life, and he felt this need to look after her and make sure she was ok._

_He knew thinking of her the way he had been was wrong.  She was still a married woman, and she had a whole mess waiting back at home for her.  But she kept coming to meet him for these coffee dates, and he couldn’t help if maybe she felt more than she let on that she did.  He sure as hell didn’t want to push her, but he couldn’t help but want to check on her and make sure she was ok.  Her husband had stopped doing that a long time ago, and he hated that she was so sad all the time._

_He got up and crossed the shop toward the back hallway where he saw her standing by the wall, the only one waiting in line for the ladies’ room.  She jumped when she heard someone step up behind her, and she sighed, relaxing when she saw it was him._

_“You ok?”_

_“I’m fine.  Did I not leave enough money?”  She started digging through her purse._

_“Ain’t that,” he said quietly, watching her, waiting for her to meet his gaze again.  When she did, she took a step back._

_“What do you want, Daryl?” she asked._

_“I want ya to be happy, and I know me tellin’ ya that leavin’ him will do that ain’t what ya need to hear right now.  I just want ya to know that I’m here to talk, I’m here for whatever you need, ‘cause I care about you.”_

_“You barely know me.”_

_“I know ya well enough to consider you a friend,” he pointed out.  “Best damned friend I’ve ever had.  Don’t have time to have a lot of friends in my job, ya know?”  Carol smiled a little and nodded.  “I just want ya to know that.”_

_“Thank you,” she said softly, taking a deep breath and taking a step toward him.  “I appreciate everything, Daryl.  Talking to you has really helped.  Sometimes…sometimes I just wish he’d wake up and be my Ed again, you know?  But I know it’s never going to happen.  And even if it did happen, I think he’s changed too much.  I’ve changed too much.”_

_“Then why stay?”_

_“He’s Sophia’s father,” she said quietly.  “And he does love her.  He can’t help that he’s sick, and I just…I can’t leave him.  Not now.  Not until…until I know he’ll be ok if I do.  I’m just…tired.  Tired of feeling alone.  Tired of feeling like I’m married to a stranger.”_

_And he didn’t know what he was doing, and he didn’t know he was doing it until it was already happening.  It was stupid and reckless, but he needed her to know, and when his lips pressed against hers, he fully expected her to step back, to slap him, to push him away, but she didn’t.  She let out a sound, sort of a whimper, and she pulled her arms around his neck, and she kissed him like her life depended on it._

_*~*~*~*~*_

He stared at his phone—at the message he’d just sent to Rose—and wondered how long it would be until she responded.  He’d asked just one question.

_Carol, are you there?_

He hadn’t expected an answer, but he got one in almost no time at all.

_How?_

_I found a picture of you.  You have a tattoo just like mine._

She was silent for a long while, so he typed a message back to her.

_I’m guessing you probably didn’t know I took it.  You were sleeping.  I’m sorry if that’s weird._

The phone was still and silent for a while longer, before she finally messaged him back.

_You don’t remember any of it?  At all?_

_I’m sorry.  I wish I could.  What…what are we?_

_We don’t have to be anything._

Daryl stared down at his phone in confusion.  He swallowed hard and began to type again.

_I want to know.  I need answers.  If whatever we had was over, just let me know.  I just need to know._

She didn’t answer back right away.  He sat there with his phone at his side, staring at her picture.  She was in his shirt, she was in his bed.  No way in hell they were just friends.  And she was beautiful, and he felt this connection to her, this connection he’d been feeling since the hospital. 

Finally, his cell phone buzzed at his side, and he picked it up, expecting a text message, to his surprise he was receiving a call.  From Rose.

“Carol?” he asked, bringing the phone to his ear.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered softly.  “This is such a mess.  I’m so sorry.”

“What happened between us?  How did we meet?  I just gotta know what happened.  I can’t remember.”

“Daryl, maybe it’s for the best.”

“That’s bullshit,” he insisted.  He heard a sigh on the other line, followed by what sounded like a held back cry.

“I have a lot to deal with.  I have insurance companies to call, a funeral to plan.  I just have to put this behind me.”

“Us or Ed?”

“I don’t know,” she admitted.  “There’s so much to tell you, and…and I’m the reason you can’t remember.”

“I don’t care about that,” he insisted. “I just need you to tell me.  You’re the only one that can, aren’t you?” 

“Yes,” she murmured softly.  “Can you…can you give me a few days?  I need to focus on this.  I need time.”

“Can I call you?”

“Please don’t.  Not yet.  I’ll…I’ll call you.”  He felt his stomach tighten, as if he was saying goodbye to her for the last time, and he hated this feeling.  She was practically a stranger, but it was like his heart remembered, even if his brain didn’t. 

“Ok,” he said quietly.  “Are you gonna be ok?”

“I shouldn’t…I shouldn’t have kept it from you.”

“It don’t matter.  Not so long as you’re straight with me from now on.”

“Ok,” she said quietly.  “I…I have to go.  Sophia’s hurting, and I…”

“It’s ok.  Go on.  I’ll wait for your call.”

“Ok.  Daryl?  I’m…I hope you’ll understand.”  Then the line went quiet, and Daryl ended the call.  With a sigh, he leaned his head against the back of the couch and pressed the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger.  He hated this.  He hated that he couldn’t remember, that she was hurting and he couldn’t comfort her.  She was a stranger to him now, even though she clearly knew him better than anybody, and he couldn’t do anything to help her, because she wouldn’t let him. Whatever this was between them, whatever had happened, he was desperate to know, desperate to understand why he felt like his whole world had been ripped out from under him at the end of that call.  He didn’t know why, and he didn’t know how, but he missed her, and it was killing him inside to not know.  Why had she pushed him away?  Had he hurt her?  Had she loved him, and then she’d changed her mind?  Had her husband known about them?  Everything was up in the air, and Daryl felt anxious inside, like he needed to get up and move around, so he pulled himself up, grabbed his jacket and headed for the door.  He couldn’t stay cooped up inside.  He needed answers, and she wasn’t ready.   Maybe he was going to have to go after them on his own.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

When he picked up the morning paper at the breakfast table, he took a big sip of coffee before flipping through the local news section.  There was a small update section from what he assumed was a larger write up in a previous paper about the accident.  It basically said that the remaining survivors had all been released and only suffered minor injuries.  He couldn’t help but smirk.  Was losing six months of your life a minor injury?

He flipped to the next page, and the first obituary was Ed Peletier.  A picture of him, smiling and happy, probably from an old family photo was plastered at the top of the piece.  It was short and simple.

_Ed Peletier, 36_

_Atlanta – Ed Peletier passed away on September 18, 2015 as the result of a car accident.  He was preceded in death by his father, Samuel and a sister.  He leaves behind a wife, Carol, and a daughter, Sophia, along with his mother.  At the family’s request, no public services will be held.  A private service will be held for immediate family at an undisclosed date._

All he could think of when he read those words were Carol’s words.

 _“I just have to put this behind me_.”

He was still so confused.  He’d taken a walk that night.  He’d gone to the coffee shop he’d seen in the pictures, the one close to the hospital.  He hadn’t gotten any answers there, though one of the waitresses looked at him like she knew him, but she’d been so busy with her own section that she hadn’t even made her way over to his. 

Whatever had happened between them, Carol clearly wasn’t ready to deal with it.  And he felt like a selfish bastard.  Her husband had just died.  Of course she wasn’t ready to deal with it.  But he was trying to piece the last six months of his life together, and she was the key.  He knew she was the key and that he had to just be patient and wait for her call.

With a frown, he decided to get up and get ready for the day, so he put the newspaper aside, drank down the last of his coffee and headed up the stairs.  The sight that greeted him had been lost on him the day before.  He’d been exhausted and hadn’t really paid much attention to detail when he’d gotten home.  But now, as he stepped into the bathroom, there were a few feminine touches that he didn’t remember being there before.   There were bath poufs strung up on a little hook on the shower wall.  There was a half-full bottle of sweet-smelling body wash.  There was a small, plastic cart with three drawers.  Inside the top one was a woman’s brush, some makeup, a mirror.  In the second drawer was toothpaste, a toothbrush, a bottle of mouthwash.  In the last drawer were some tampons and a box of condoms. 

She had a drawer at his house.  She had _things_ at his house.  Whatever it was, whatever they’d had together, it was more than sex.  He wasn’t sure what to think.  He’d apparently been carrying on an affair with a married woman, and now her husband was dead, and it suddenly made a whole hell of a lot of sense to him why she’d been reluctant to talk to him and to answer his messages.   Whatever had happened the night of the wreck, he’d been there, and Ed was dead, and now a little girl didn’t have her father anymore.  And now Carol was pregnant, and Christ, was the baby Ed’s?  Was it his?  Nothing made sense, and he suddenly felt like he’d been punched in the gut. 

_What the hell did I do?_

He turned out of the bathroom and shut the door behind him.   He moved into his bedroom and opened up the blinds.  He started rifling through his drawers, and the top drawer on the left side, a drawer he’d usually used for his cell phone and wallet at night now had a change of clothes and panties and a bra.  Christ, she might as well have lived with him. 

He didn’t know how to feel about it all.  He just wanted to remember.  He just wanted to make sense of it all.  He needed to see her and talk to her, and he felt like a prick for being so selfish when she was about to put her husband in the ground.

As everything began to twist and turn in his head, he felt dizzy and moved to sit down on the edge of the bed.  His stomach was unsettled and he felt like he was coming down from the world’s worst hangover. 

 _Fuck it._   He headed back to the bathroom to shower.  If he was going to sit around and wonder if he was to blame for the whole goddamned accident, he was going to go to work.  Even if he couldn’t work with patients until he was cleared, he could go through charts and catch up on everything he’d done in the last six months.  If he couldn’t remember a fucking thing about her, then maybe he could start trying to piece the last six months of his career back together.

*~*~*~*~*

_One arm curled around her waist, as the other struggled with the lock on the front door.  She was kissing him hungrily now, all inhibitions out the window as soon as they’d stepped into the privacy of his door stoop.  She was pressed against him, warm and soft in all the right places, and he knew this was probably the world’s worst idea, but that first kiss at the coffee shop had ignited something in both of them that spread like wildfire._

_The satisfying click as he unlocked the door seemed to start a frenzy in the two of them, as he opened the door, pulling her inside, never breaking away from her mouth as he pushed her back against it, locking it back in place before pulling his hands up to cup her face._

_She clung to him, panting softly between kisses as she gripped his shoulders, nails twisting into the fabric of his shirt.  Then he broke the kiss, but he kept his hands at her waist, fingers twitching as everything in him begged to touch her and for her to touch him in return._

_“This is…I shouldn’t be here,” she whispered, moving her hands from his shoulders to his chest.  She licked her lips and let out a slow breath.  “It’s probably a bad idea.”_

_“We can stop this here,” he said quietly, despite every fiber in his body craving more.  “We can.”  He reached behind her to unlock the door, but as he leaned over her, her arms moved around his neck again, and she was kissing him, and he’d never felt anything like it before._

_“Really…bad…idea,” she offered between kisses.  His hands moved up her shirt and over her back, fingertips scorching tingling patterns along her spine._

_“Tell me to stop.  I’ll stop,” he murmured.  She pulled back then, and he stopped touching her, ready for her to turn and walk out that door.  Instead, she grabbed the edge of her shirt and lifted it over her body, letting it fall to the floor at their feet.  He couldn’t help himself.  His gaze moved over her defined collarbones, over the small but ample curves of her breasts, over the pale, freckled skin on her chest and the creamy skin of her stomach._

_“I don’t want to stop,” she whispered, before he was on her again, tongue tracing the line of her throat as her hands worked to edge his shirt up his back.  Together, they stumbled, leaving a trail of clothes to the staircase, and then he was carrying her, kissing her, wanting more and knowing that whatever happened, it would never be enough.  She was everything, but she wasn’t his._

_And as he placed her in the middle of his bed and crawled over her, kissing her deep and filling her, making love to her, he wanted her to be his.  He wanted all of her, every bit, and there would never be enough._


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

He’d spent six hours reading through months’ worth of files.  Nothing jogged his memory.  He’d saved countless lives, lost several, too.  He could still remember the first patient he’d ever lost and the first patient he’d ever saved.  They were burned into his memory, their faces, their names, their cases.  But he couldn’t remember _her_.  He couldn’t remember a thing.

Glenn had caught him sitting in front of a wall of file cabinets where the paper copies of the patient files were stored.  He’d sat with him, went over cases with him, tried to help him jog his memory and finally told him to stop forcing it.  If it was going to come back, it would come back on its own, and there was no point in trying to make it happen.

Finally, Daryl had given up and headed home, stopping first at that coffee shop, hoping he’d see her there.  The waitress that seemed to have recognized him the night before had made her way over to his table and asked him if he wanted the usual.  He’d simply said ‘yes’ and waited for her to come back.  When she had, she’d asked him where his friend was, and he’d just said she wasn’t there.  That had been it.  But at least he went away with the knowledge that he and Carol had gone to that little shop on more than one occasion, at least enough to jog the memory of a part-time waitress who spent her day getting harassed by belligerent coffee connoisseurs.

Exhausted, but feeling a slight better, he’d started for home, expecting to come home to a quiet house full of so much of _her_ and no answers.  But when he’d rounded the corner and stopped short of his stoop, he’d seen her there, sitting on the steps with her purse clutched anxiously between her fingers and resting in her lap.  He didn’t know what to say, what to do, whether to go to her, whether to stay back, but when he saw her look up with tear-filled eyes, he went to her on instinct, moving to sit next to her on the stoop.

He cleared his throat as she gave a sigh of relief. 

“I wanted to call you, but I didn’t think…”  She sighed softly.  “I don’t know why I’m here.”

“Me neither,” he said softly.  “Where’s your girl?”

“At Ed’s mother’s.  She wanted to spend time with her.  She’s a sweet woman, and I know she’s broken up about all of this.  Sophia’s just in shock, I think.  And I was sitting there in my quiet house thinking about everything, and the only thing I wanted to do was come here and see you.”  Her lower lip trembled.  “Daryl, there’s so much I want to say to you, and I don’t know how to even begin.”

“Just start at the beginning. I wanna know everything.”  He cleared his throat and ran his fingers through his hair.  “Can I ask ya one thing?”  She nodded.  “The baby.  Is it mine?” 

“You’re the only one.  I mean…Ed and I hadn’t…not for a long time.  It was just you,” she said softly.  “And we were careful, so I know this is shocking for you to wake up and suddenly have a baby on the way with a complete stranger.  But let me tell you, it’s just as shocking for me.  I was on birth control, and we were careful.  But I understand if you’ll want a paternity test.  I’m not trying to play you here.  I just…”

“I ain’t sayin’ you are,” he insisted.  “Seein’ you, lookin’ at you right now?  I feel this connection, somethin’ I can’t explain, and I know it’s ‘cause whatever we had meant somethin’.”  Carol blinked back the tears and nodded her head.  “What happened with your husband?  What happened the night of the wreck?”  Carol bit her lip and shook her head.

“Ed was sick for a long time,” she said quietly.  “He was taking medicine, going to see a therapist, trying to get over everything that happened at work.  He tried to kill himself, and he was just…not the man that I married.  He started to lash out, started to get angry.  The night I met you, the night I brought Sophia to the hospital because of her tonsils, you seemed to recognize something in me that I didn’t even see.  You offered to help me, and I just…I didn’t think I needed help.  I thought that I could keep my family together.”  She shook her head.  “But Ed refused to take his medicine.  He refused to go back to therapy.  He just got worse, and that was when he started to get…”  Her voice trailed off, and she shuddered at the memory.  “It got bad one night.  And I wanted to leave him, but he was so upset, Daryl.  He was sobbing, and he was begging me to stay.  And I hated him for it.  I hated him so much.  But he took my hand and promised me he was going to get help again.  He took his meds, and he promised he’d get better for me and for Sophia.”

“Jesus,” Daryl murmured. 

“But I kept coming to you.  I kept coming to you, because being with you was the only thing that made me feel good, made me feel like this world wasn’t spinning out of control.  I felt safe with you.  Happy.”  She swallowed hard.  “And this…this thing just happened between us.  And it felt right.  I never expected it, and I didn’t plan on it, but it happened, and when I was with you, I could forget things for a little while.”  She swallowed hard and looked down at her hands that were clasped against her lap.  “The night of the accident, when I knew you didn’t know who I was, for a minute I thought that maybe it was for the best.”

“Why would ya think that?”

“Because if you knew what happened right before the accident…I just…I didn’t know how to explain what happened.  Ed was supposed to be out of town.  He’d hurt me, Daryl.  Last week, he pushed me into a wall, he tried to choke me, and I was going to leave him.  I was going to pack up and leave him, and you were going to help me.  The night of the accident, Ed was supposed to be working late, and you came to help me pack.  Sophia was sleeping, and you were helping me pack and help me leave him.  Ed came home, and he just went into a rage.  I asked you to wait outside, and you did, but he dragged Sophia down the stairs.  I didn’t have a choice.  I got in the car with him, Daryl.  If I hadn’t…I don’t know what would have happened, but I…”

“You couldn’t let him take Sophia,” he said quietly.  “I get that.  She’s your kid.”

“And I begged you not to follow us, but you did, and…and because of that, because I was going to leave him, he’s dead, and you’re…you can’t remember.”  He wiped at her eyes, and Daryl gently reached over to put his hand on her shoulder.  He touched her like a stranger, like he’d never touched her before, and it was the most overwhelmingly painful thing she’d felt in so long. 

“You can’t blame yourself.  You did what you had to do.  You’re alive.  Your girl’s alive.  And I…I’m alive.  I’m gonna be ok.”

“I’m so sorry, Daryl.”

“Stop,” he murmured.  “Stop.  Don’t apologize.  You’re alive.  Your kid’s alive.  And Ed…Ed made his choice that night.  He’s the one that dragged Sophia outta the house.”

“Daryl, I just…I don’t know what to do.  I don’t know how to help you.”  She took a shaky breath and wiped at her eyes again.  “I want to help you.  It’s just the strangest thing.  I’m looking at you, and I feel so many things, and you’re looking at me like you don’t know me.”

“I wanna know you,” he said quietly.  “I wanna remember, and maybe you can help me.  I wanna go through it.  I wanna hear everything.  Even the bad stuff.  Maybe it’ll help.”  Carol nodded then, and she put her hand over her stomach.

“I can’t imagine what you must be thinking right now.”

“Don’t really know what to think,” he admitted.  “It’s…it’s a lot.  I just don’t…I really don’t wanna be the guy that ruined a marriage.”

“You’re not.  It was pretty much ruined before you came along,” she promised.  “Meeting you was like watching the sun come out again.  I’d forgotten what being happy really felt like.”  She chuckled softly and blinked back the tears again.  “I want to help you.  I will help you.  And whatever happened before, whatever happens in the future, I just want you to know that the past few months have been the most eye-opening, the most beautiful months I’ve ever experience.  And that’s because of you.”  She reached over and put her hand over his.  “Maybe this time around you won’t feel the same way for me, and that’s ok.  Whatever you remember, whatever you don’t, we’ll work through it.  And this baby?  This baby is…it doesn’t have to be…you don’t have to…”

“Hey.  Slow down.  One step at a time, alright?”

“Ok,” she said with a nod, scooting a little closer to him on the doorstep.  “What do you want to know?”

*~*~*~*

_“You don’t gotta go so soon,” he said quietly, slowly sliding his hand down the curve of her spine, as she sat up in the bed next to him._

_“I really do,” she pointed out with a sad smile.  “Sophia will be home from school in an hour, and I need to start supper.”  She sighed and leaned down to kiss him.  “I’m sorry.”_

_“You don’t gotta apologize.  She’s your kid.  I get it.”  He pulled her down close, capturing her lips again.  “You ok?”_

_“I told you I’m fine.  I meant it,” she assured him.  With a frown, she looked down at the ring on her finger.  Without saying a word, Daryl curled his fingers around hers._

_“No regrets?”_

_“None,” she said quietly.  “Am I sad that my marriage has come to this?  Yes.  Do I wish things had turned out differently?  Yes.  But being with you?  I don’t regret that at all.  These past few hours have been…I can’t even explain them, Daryl.  And I don’t want you to feel guilty.  You didn’t make this happen.  It wouldn’t have happened if I didn’t want it to.”  She gently uncurled her fingers from his.  “But I do have to go.”  He took her hand in his again and kissed her knuckles.  She smiled before he tugged her down for one more kiss._

_“Am I gonna see you again?” he asked, moving his hand over her backside, giving her butt a squeeze.  She bit her lip and gave him a little shoulder shrug.  “What’s that mean?”_

_“It means…I’ll call you.”  She kissed him once more before she scrambled out of bed to gather her clothes.  Sophia would be home soon, and Ed would throw a fit if supper wasn’t done before he got home._

_As she dressed, she could feel his eyes on her, and she couldn’t help but feel a thrill run through her, as if her nerve endings were firing at once.  She hadn’t felt like this in a long time, and she couldn’t help but feel a knot forming in her stomach at the thought that this man, this amazing man she’d never seen coming could just very well be her soul mate, her kindred spirit, waiting for her, only she was trapped, and the sinking feeling in her chest did little to calm her anxieties.  Leaving him felt like drowning, and as she walked out of his house and stepped out onto the sidewalk in the chilly April afternoon, she took one look back at the house and wanted nothing more than to go back inside with him where everything made sense for a little while._


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Carol had gone home hours ago, and now Daryl lay in the middle of his bed, wide awake in the middle of the night.  She’d told him so much, so many things about their time together.  And he hated that he couldn’t remember it. He felt like the world’s biggest dick, because he’d sat there and listened to her talk about how happy they’d been together, and he couldn’t remember one goddamned thing.  And on top of it, he was pretty sure she was in love with him, and he couldn’t even feel that.  He felt this connection, felt this burning deep inside, this need to be near her, to be with her.  But six months had come and gone, and he’d built up an entire relationship with this woman, and now he had not a single memory to show for it.

He tried rolling over, tried counting sheep, and he even tried going down to the kitchen for a drink, but nothing helped.  He’d retreated back to his room and pulled open his laptop again.  He clicked through the pictures, one by one, trying to remember something, anything.  He kept going back to that one picture of her sleeping.  He wished he could remember taking it.  He wished he could remember being the man that she cared so much about.

He sighed heavily and reached for his phone.  It was a long shot, but maybe she couldn’t sleep either.

 _Are you awake?_  He sent the text and waited.  Sure enough, he got a response rather quickly.

_Yeah.  Can’t sleep._

_Same.  Thought about taking a walk, but it’s getting cold._

_You want some company?_

He stared at his phone for a moment.

_What about Sophia?_

_She stayed at her grandmother’s.  I thought it was a good idea for them to spend time together._

_Want to get some coffee?  Decaf for you, of course._

_Ok.  Sounds good._

_You wanna tell me how to get there?_

_I’m outside._

Daryl moved over to his bedroom window, and sure enough, there was a car parked out front.  He dressed quickly and grabbed his keys and wallet before rushing down the stairs.  When he opened the door, she was standing there looking uncertain and anxious.

“I wanted to go for a drive,” she admitted.  “But when I got in the car, I just started driving this way, and I ended up here.  I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry,” he said quietly.  “M’glad you’re here.”

“Are you ok, Daryl?  I’m afraid maybe I said too much earlier.  Was it too much?”

“It was a lot,” he admitted.  “But I wanted to know.  I asked.”  He felt the cool night air chill his skin as he shut the front door.  “You cold?”

“I’m fine,” she assured him.  They started off down the sidewalk toward the coffee shop, and Daryl stuffed his hands in his pockets. 

“I wanna remember,” he said quietly.  “I’m sorry about all this.  Wish I had somethin’ better to say, somethin’ to make you feel better.  Can’t imagine what it’s like to wanna talk to somebody and them not know what to say or even know how to say it, ‘cause they can’t remember.”

“Don’t force it,” she said softly.  “Let’s just talk.  We can just…talk.  I need to talk to someone.  I’m going crazy in that house, Daryl.  Too many memories, and I just want to forget so much.  I need to put Ed behind me.  I want to remember the man that I married.  The man I loved.  I just want to forget the rest.  But…not you.  You have no idea how much you’ve helped me.  I’m so grateful to you.  Grateful _for_ you.”  She reached out, as if to hold his hand, but she quickly pulled her hand back and put it in her coat. 

“I’m here,” he said quietly.  “Whatever you need.  Maybe you can help me, and I can help you.  Maybe we can figure some of this out.  Just…give it some time.”  Carol nodded.

“Maybe,” she murmured softly.  And his heart sank when he saw the way she pulled her arms a little tighter around herself, as if shielding herself from the pain.  He wanted to say so many things, but he couldn’t find the words.  Instead, he kept his head down and walked on with her, hoping that time would make all the difference in the world.

*~*~*~*~*~

_Carol sighed contentedly as she curled up against Daryl under the covers.  These days, being here in this house, in this bed, was her escape.  These days that Sophia went home with a friend or to her grandmother’s house were the days she could find an excuse to not be home after work, where she could go to him and forget for just a little while._

_“What time is it?” Daryl muttered sleepily as he yawned and stretched under her._

_“Do you care?” she teased, sliding her hand down his stomach and beneath the sheets._

_“Fuck, woman.  You’re gonna kill me one day, you know that?”  She stroked him slowly, and his head fell back against the pillow.  “I ain’t complainin’ though, but you got Sophia to pick up.”_

_“Right,” Carol murmured, abruptly halting her motions and removing her hand from his dick._

_“Grab my phone.  You’re closer.”_

_“You trust me with your phone?” she teased._

_“Baby, I trust you with my life.”  Carol felt her breath catch in her throat at that, and she was surprised at how deeply those words hit her.  “Sorry.  Shit, I gotta stop sayin’ every fuckin’ thing that pops up in my head.”_

_“It’s ok,” she said softly, kissing his chest.  She reached over and grabbed for his phone, waiting for the screen to brighten.  When it did, she noticed in his call log that there were several calls from a Rose. “I know I have no right to ask, but who’s Rose?”  She watched him smirk.  “I’m not…it’s not like we’re exclusive.  I’m married, so I don’t expect that I’m the only one that…and she’s been calling you a lot.”_

_“Baby, that’s you.”  He watched as recognition filled her eyes, and she glanced back at the phone.  She bit her trembling lip and handed the phone to him._

_“Why Rose?” she asked quietly._

_“You ain’t never heard the story about the Cherokee Rose?”_

_“Hmm…nope.”_

_“Well, see, when I was little, my best friend from school died.  I remember bein’ at the funeral, and I didn’t really get it.  I just remember seein’ his mama cryin’.  And she just wouldn’t stop.  I asked my mama why she was cryin’ so much, and she told me the story of the trail of tears and how the Indian mothers would lose their babies along the way.  I guess the legend states that the Cherokee Rose would bloom where the mothers’ tears fell, givin’ ‘em hope for their little ones.  See, to my mama, the Cherokee Rose is somethin’ sad.  But I don’t see it like that.”  He gently ran his hand down her back.  “I look at you, and I see hope that you can keep goin’ no matter what.  Things might be bad, but they won’t always be, and whatever happens, I know you’ll make it.”  He brought her down to kiss him.  “We will.”_

_“We will,” she said with a trembling voice.  “I really don’t deserve…”_

_“Stop,” he murmured, cutting her off.  “Ain’t nobody perfect, and I see you.  You try for Sophia.  You try for the man that Ed used to be.  And then you end up here, ‘cause nothin’ makes sense, and that’s ok.  I’m here.  Whenever you need me, I’m here.”  He kissed her again.  “I just want ya to know that when you’re ready, I’m still gonna be here.  Whatever happens, whatever you need, I’m here.”_

_“Daryl, you’re…I don’t even…”_

_“Shh,” he urged, kissing her again. “Don’t matter.  What matters is this.  Right now.  Right?”  She nodded her head.  “Right.  C’mere.”  And she kissed him again, letting him pull her close and take her mind off of everything she wanted that was so close and so far away.  She knew, as he kissed her and held her close, that this was a life she desperately craved, a life she was going to have to put on hold until she could figure out the mess she’d made.  Something had to give, and she knew she was getting in too deep.  But she didn’t care.  She craved him like air.  Maybe she was going to hell, but so be it.  It felt too right to be wrong._


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

_“Ouch,” she laughed, as she stumbled over Daryl’s hunting gear._

_“You ok?” he asked, quickly taking hold of her arm and helping her steady herself._

_“Fine,” she said with a giggle, as he pulled his arms around her.  “You probably would’ve been better off coming camping alone.  I’ll probably scare all the deer away with my clumsiness.”  Daryl snorted at that and kissed her._

_“Didn’t bring you out here to hunt deer,” he pointed out.  “Now take off your clothes.”_

_“Oh, you’re getting awfully demanding, Mr. Dixon,” she said with a flirty grin, running her hands down his chest and resting her fingertips against his belt._

_“It’s been two weeks,” he panted, eyes dark with desire as he reached for her.  She swatted his hands away._

_“I know, and I’m sorry,” she pouted, leaning in to give him an all-too-brief kiss on the lips.  “Let me make it up to you.”_

_“How ar—_ oh.”  _She moved to her knees, jerking at his belt, and he felt his dick twitch in response.   “Christ.”  She looked up at him, eyes dark with passion now, and she slipped his belt from the loops.  The second she had his pants undone and around his ankles, she tugged down his underwear and took his dick in her hand.  She wasted no time, taking him between her lips, sucking at the tip before taking him further, slowly squeezing him at the base as she circled the head with her tongue._

_“Aw, fuck, Carol,” he panted.  She hummed softly, and he thought he might die.  It had been too long.  Reality had taken a toll on them both these past two weeks.  He’d been slammed with trauma after trauma at the hospital, and she’d been busy with conferences and end-of-the-year test grading.  Ed was out of town, and Sophia was at her grandmother’s for the whole weekend, and both of them were in a hurry to just be together._

_It had been too long, and Daryl could feel himself losing control.  He gently tapped at her shoulder, urging her to stop, and she looked up at him innocently before releasing him._

_“Something wrong?” she teased._

_“Yeah, you and that mouth are gonna be the death of me,” he replied, as she scrambled to her feet and tore at his shirt with her fingers as his mouth closed over hers.  He quickly grabbed her behind the legs and lowered her down to the ground, crawling over her as they both worked together to strip one another._

_But just as he was reaching to yank her panties down, a startling noise from outside ruined the moment._

_“What the hell?” he grunted, pausing on top of her, as she stared, wide-eyed at the open tent flap._

_“What is that?” she asked, as the noise sounded again._

_“Oh fuck,” he grumbled.  “Fuck.  Fuck.”_

_“What?!”_

_“Get up.  Get up.  We gotta go, Carol.”  The sound happened again.  The piercing shriek had Carol grimacing as they both fought to pull their clothes back on._

_“What is it?”_

_“A fuckin’ screech owl is what it is. We’re campin’ right under its nest.”_

_“Oh.  Is that…bad?”_

_“You wanna get any sleep tonight?”_

_“I wasn’t planning on it, no,” she said with a grin, giving his ass a squeeze.  At her teasing, he smirked._

_“Alright, don’t say I didn’t warn ya when it wakes ya up at two in the mornin’.  You ain’t gonna like that so much.”_

_“Oh,” she muttered.  “Yeah, let’s find somewhere else.  Ooh, there’s a nice motel with a Jacuzzi a few miles down the highway.”_

_“What about camping?” he asked._

_“Daryl, I love you,” she murmured, pulling her arms around his neck.  “But within two seconds of having my clothes off, I had ants in places there shouldn’t be ants.  And the bird?  Well, let’s just say I’m not feeling very sexy right now.”_

_“Oh,” he murmured.  And without words, he was tearing out of the tent.  Carol rushed after him, straightening her shirt._

_“I’m sorry,” she offered.  “You’re not upset, are you?”_

_“You kiddin’?” he asked, tossing things into the back of his truck.  “Let’s get the hell outta here.” At that, a grin spread over her face, and she helped him tear down their little camping setup in ten minutes flat._

*~*~*~*~*

The next few days were uneventful.  Daryl hadn’t heard from Carol, and he assumed she was dealing with arrangements for Ed, and he didn’t want to press her for company, because he knew pushing wasn’t the answer. 

He’d kept himself busy continuing to look through his charts from the last six months, hoping to spark some sort of memory.  When he’d worn himself out, he’d returned home and rested.  He was healing, and he felt better each day, but he knew he wasn’t near ready to go back to work yet.

By dinnertime on the third day that he’d gone without seeing her, he’d given up on seeing her, so he’d stopped in at the coffee shop to get a cup to go on the way home.  To his surprise, she was waiting on his doorstep when he got back.

“You don’t call?” he asked.

“I’m sorry,” she said quietly.  “I can go.”

“Don’t want ya go to.  But I been waitin’ to hear from ya.”

“I know.  I’m sorry,” she said quietly.  “Um, Ed’s been cremated, and I gave his ashes to his mother.  It’s done.  It’s…over.” 

“You ok?”

“Yeah.  Yeah, I think so,” she said softly, taking in deep breath.  “I think I’m still a little numb.”

“How’s Sophia handlin’ it?”

“She’s sad.  She says she was scared of him, those last few months.  I told her he was sick, tried to make her feel better.  Hell, I tried to make myself feel better.”  She shook her head.  “It doesn’t change anything.  It doesn’t make anything better.  He’s gone, and there’s no changing anything.”  Daryl nodded, chewing the inside of his lip for a moment.  “I feel like an idiot.”

“Why?” he asked, helping her up, fingers lingering against hers as they stood toe to toe on the stoop. 

“The past few months, all I could think about was how I was going to finally get up the nerve to leave Ed without any guilt.  I was going to make a new life, and I was going to be happy.  And then my husband goes off the rails and gets us all into an accident.  He hurts my daughter, almost kills us, almost kills you.  How could I be so stupid to think that everything would just work out?”

“You weren’t stupid.  You ain’t,” he insisted. 

“No?”  She looked up at him, eyes wide with hope and fear.  “You don’t…still?  Nothing?”

“Nothin’,” he said quietly.  “M’sorry.”

“It isn’t your fault,” she replied with a shake of her head.  “It’s not.  I know that.  But I can’t help but think that maybe…maybe you not remembering means that this…”—she gestured between him and herself—“wasn’t meant to be.”  She let out a dry sound, something crossed between a laugh and a sob.

“Are you upset with me?”

“No!  No, I’m just frustrated.  I’m frustrated, and I miss you.  _Him_.  The Daryl I fell in love with.  God, this is hard.”

“There’s something here,” he said quietly, opening the door and holding it wide for her to step inside.   “There’s somethin’.  I feel it.  It’s there.  I just can’t explain it.  And I wanna understand it.”  He shut the door behind them, and Carol moved into the living room, draping her jacket over the back of an arm chair.  She turned then, facing him, and she took a deep breath.

“I’ve spent the last few days going through everything.  And I wasn’t…I didn’t tell you everything.  I just…I don’t even know if I should.”

“Tell me what?” he asked, taking a step toward her.  “What is it?”

“I need to give something back to you.”  She reached into her pocket and pulled something out.  She held her hand out and opened her fist to reveal a beautiful silver band with a sapphire setting.  Daryl swallowed the lump in his throat and looked down at the ring in her hand.

“What’s this?”

“You gave this to me.  A few weeks ago.  It was…a promise.  It was a promise that everything was going to be ok, that we were going to be ok.  I tried to give it back to you, told you to be serious, and you said you were.  You said you’d never been more serious about anything.  You really have a way with words, you know?”  She chuckled a little before wiping at her eyes.  “I just wanted you to have it back.  I want you to know that it’s ok.  Whatever happens.  It’s ok, and I understand.  We can move on.  You can.  I’ll understand.”  When he didn’t make an effort to reach out and grab the ring, she took his hand and placed the band in his palm.  When he felt the cool silver against his skin, he could hear the chime on a door, feel the disapproving gaze fall over him as he walked through that door in torn jeans.  He could hear himself thinking that if he’d come in wearing scrubs, they never would have bent over backwards to get his business. 

He took a deep breath and a step back, and Carol’s eyes widened with worry.

“Are you ok?”

“Yeah.  Just…it’s…nothin’,” he said quickly.  “Can I get ya somethin’ to eat?”

“No, thank you.  I’m not hungry,” she murmured as the hope left her eyes. 

“Ya didn’t have to bring this back.  If I bought it for ya, I wanted ya to have it.  You should keep it.”

“No,” she said with a shake of her head.  “It’s…I haven’t been able to wear it.  And today, for the first time, I took off Ed’s ring, and I put on yours, and I can’t do it, Daryl.  I can’t hold onto a ring when the man who gave it to me can’t even remember giving it to me, can’t remember loving me.” 

“I’m sorry for all this,” he said quietly.

“Stop apologizing.  It’s not your fault,” she said gently, bringing her hand up to his cheek.  She smiled then, blinking through her tears, and she gently ran the pad of her thumb along his cheekbone.  He could suddenly hear her soft laughter, smell the scent of lilacs, feel the goose bumps along a soft thigh.  He flinched then, and Carol withdrew her hand. 

“I should go,” she said softly.  “I just wanted you to have that.  And I wanted you to know that I’ll always be here for you, because you were there for me.  And this baby…you can…you can be as involved as you want.  I won’t stop you from being a part of his life.”

“What’re you doin’?”  He narrowed his eyes at her.  “You breakin’ up with me?”  She smiled sadly and shook her head. 

“You can’t break up with a ghost,” she murmured.  “I can’t leave you.  I love you too much.  But I don’t want you to feel pressured.  Maybe this time around, you won’t feel the same.  I don’t want you to feel obligated.  I want you to be happy.  That’s all I want.”  She reached out and took his hand in hers, giving it a gentle squeeze, and he could feel the beat of her heart in her fingertips.  He could almost feel the brush of her lips against his neck, the beautiful ache of being surrounded by her, buried inside of her. 

He sucked in a sharp breath, and she took a step back.

“Daryl?  Are you…are you ok?”

“Yeah,” he lied.  “M’fine.”  He swallowed hard and nodded.  Looking back up at her, he felt something tug at his heart.  He felt something.  He didn’t know what he was feeling, what he was experiencing.  Those flashes, like grainy videos playing in his head, they had to be for something.  “I wanna be there.  I do.  The baby…all that.  If I’m gonna be a dad, I’m gonna be a dad.  I ain’t gonna make you go through that alone.”  He saw the sad smile on her face again, and he ached to comfort her.  But she was turning for the door then, and he felt the moment pass by, ghosting over them, between them, putting miles between them in its wake.  She stopped with her hand on the doorknob

“I have a doctor’s appointment next week,” she offered.  “If you’d like to go?  Maybe we’ll hear the heartbeat.”

“I’d like that,” he said quietly.  “Very much.  Um, thanks, Carol.  Thank you.”  She nodded and gave him a little smile before she started out the door.  “Hey.”  She turned on the porch and looked at him through the screen door.

“How about breakfast tomorrow?”

“I can’t.  Work.  Um, maybe Saturday.  Sophia likes to stay with her grandmother on Friday nights.”

“Alright.  Saturday then.  It’s a date.”  He saw a flash of pain cross her face, but she put that smile back on and nodded her head.

“Yeah,” she murmured.  “Goodnight, Daryl.”

“Night,” he murmured, watching her head down the steps toward her car.  He turned toward the living room and noticed her jacket draped over the back of the chair.  “Hey!  You forgot—”  But she was already in her car and fixing to pull out.  In his haste, he grabbed the jacket, and started back for the door, but she was gone, and something fluttered out of the pocket.  He bent down to pick up the folded piece of paper.  It was soft and worn from being opened and folded so many times.  He knew it wasn’t his business, but he already had it open and under the hallway lamplight.  He recognized the handwriting as his own, and as he began to read, he couldn’t help but feel like he was intruding on a private conversation, even if he was the one who’d written it.

_Carol,_

_Last night was one of the best nights of my life.  I ain’t good with words, and I ain’t always good about talking about my feelings.  But I wanted you to know that I’ve never felt about anybody the way I feel about you.  And I know things are complicated.  I know you got a whole other life at home.  I know you love your girl more than anything, and I know you still love Ed in some ways.  So when I gave you the ring, it wasn’t about pressuring you.  It was a promise that someday we could both be happy.  We could be ok.  And I don’t want you to feel obligated.  I know you feel obligated to Ed.  I know you don’t want to leave him when he’s having a hard time.  But you’re not happy, and I want you to be happy.  And I think I can make you happy.  Someday, I promise you, you will be happy, whether it’s with me or with him or with some other guy.  I love you, Carol, and all I want is for you to be happy, no matter what.  Above anything else, you’re the best friend I ever had, and whatever else happens, I will be here.  That’s a promise._

_Love,_

_Daryl_


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Daryl sighed as he slid into the pickup for the first time since the accident.  There had been some cosmetic damage to the front and a cracked radiator, but the truck was good as new now, and he couldn’t help but feel a little better as he pulled out onto the road.  At least something felt familiar now. 

He hadn’t spoken to Carol for a few days, and it was starting to wear on him.  He’d met her for breakfast  that next morning as they’d planned, but he’d said nothing about the letter he’d found.  He didn’t know what to say or what to do with it, so for the time being, it was sitting in the table drawer by his couch at home.  He’d felt something, something like a memory that day she’d brought him the ring.  They weren’t specific, but the way she’d touched his face, the way she’d looked at him, he’d felt something like déjà vu, he’d felt something growing in his heart, something that was just tapping at the glass, trying to break through. 

He couldn’t stop thinking about it.  The memory of a scent, of a feeling.  He’d woken up hard in the middle of the night, thinking of her, thinking of how he could remember a feeling, something intimate, something erotic.  And he couldn’t piece it together.  Some things were trying to come back, he was sure of it, or else it was just his head playing games with him, his guilt trying to smooth over the six-month void that he was desperately trying to fill. 

He didn’t get too far down the road before his cell phone buzzed on the seat beside him.  He pulled over to park at the side of the road and grabbed for his phone.  On the screen was a message from Carol.  He quickly read through it.  It was an address. 

_2321 W. Harbor Street._

_Doctor’s appointment.  If you want to come, it’s in thirty minutes._

He felt a rush of relief, followed by a rush of panic.  He honestly didn’t know what the hell to do or what she expected.  Sure, she’d told him he could be as involved as he wanted to be, and he wanted to be involved, but he found himself in a sudden cold sweat as his mind raced years into the future.  What could he offer a child?  What kind of father could he be to this child when he couldn’t even remember meeting its mother?

Still, he decided to put his anxieties behind him and be there for her, because it was the least he could do.  He _wanted_ to be there, wanted her to know that he would be there, no matter what.  They had survived this wreck together, and they were clearly both still here for a reason.  And now there was a baby involved.  It couldn’t all be for nothing.

He pulled back out onto the road and headed toward the address Carol had given him.  He wasn’t far, so it didn’t take him long, and he pulled up right next to her car in the parking lot.  She looked up at him in surprise when she saw him.

“That was fast,” she said with a pleased smile.

“The garage that had my truck was close.  Thanks for letting me know about this,” he said quietly.  Carol nodded then.  “You feelin’ ok?”

“I feel ok.  I’m a little nauseated, but I’m not hurting from the crash or anything.  Are…are you ok?”  He gave her a little nod, and when he saw her smile brighten, he wanted to tell her of these little glimpses he’d been getting.  He wanted to give her some hope that maybe it was all coming back.  But he didn’t want to speak too soon. He didn’t want to get her hopes up and then leave her devastated if the rest of it didn’t come back.  So he stayed quiet.  “Daryl?”

“Hmm?”

“Aren’t you…aren’t you even wondering about…I mean, you have every right to ask about the baby.  I mean, for all you know, I could be some crazy woman who trapped you into…”

“I know that ain’t you,” he said quickly.  She cocked her head to the side and slid her sunglasses off.  “I mean, you don’t seem like…shit, I don’t know how to do this.”  Carol got out of her car and moved to his truck, propping her elbows on the edge of the window. 

“Neither do I.  I’m just…I told you the baby’s yours, and you don’t even question it?”  Daryl took a breath, pondering her words for a moment. 

“Why would I?” he asked, narrowing his eyes.  “Are you lyin’?”

“Well, no,” he replied.

“You weren’t even plannin’ on tellin’ me about us to begin with.  I knew ‘bout the baby ‘fore I knew about us.  Now, you’re sayin’ I don’t have to be involved.  You’re givin’ me an out.”  He leaned closer to her.  “I don’t want an out.  I’m in this.  I’m all in this.”  He saw the relief flood her face, and he put his hand over hers.  “You ready for this?”

“No,” she admitted.  “I’m terrified.  I had a baby almost six years ago, and it was terrifying then.  Now?   I mean, I didn’t ever plan on having more kids.  Now I have the option, because I know that I can give this baby a stable home.  I’m just…I don’t know how to do this.”

“Well, you ain’t gonna do it alone.  I’ll help you.  I mean, we can work out a schedule.”

“Daryl, you’re so busy.  You’ve got your work.  Once you get back to it, you’ll be at the hospital more often than not.”

“I can cut my hours back.  I can, Carol.”  He saw the doubt in her eyes again, and he gave her hand a squeeze.

“We’re gonna make this work.  We will.  This baby’s gonna be taken care of, and it’s gonna have both its mama and it’s daddy.”  He cleared his throat and pulled his hand away.  “We best get inside.  Gotta make sure the baby’s heart rate’s good, make sure he’s healthy.  Make sure _you’re_ healthy.”

“I’m kind of relieved,” she said with a chuckle.  “Now when I freak out about something, I can just ask you, because you’re a doctor.”

“I haven’t done OBGYN rounds in years, but I still remember a thing or two,” he said with a chuckle.  He got out of the truck and reached for her hand, as if he’d been holding hands with her forever, and it was just as natural as breathing.  Carol curled her fingers around his, and she flinched a little, taken aback by the act, but she didn’t let go, and neither did he.  He was scared to death, but he gave her hand a squeeze, letting her know he was there.  They could do this.  It was going to be alright.

*~*~*~*

Mr. Dixon?  We’re ready for you now,” the doctor said with a warm smile as she stepped out of the exam room and into the hallway.  Carol had explained that she wanted Daryl to be in there for the ultrasound, but they’d both agreed it would probably be best for him to wait outside for the physical exam.

“Dr. Dixon,” he said quickly, a knee-jerk reaction he’d had since he was a medical school graduate. 

“Pardon?”

“Uh…I’m a doctor.  Over at Grady Memorial.”

“Oh, that right?” she asked with a beaming smile.  “I did my internship there.  I’m Andrea Harrison.”

“Harrison.  Yeah, I heard of you.  You’re good.”

“I’m the best,” she chuckled.  “Not bragging, just telling it like it is.  I did a fellowship in fetal surgery and have helped bring babies born at less than a pound into the world and watched them thrive.”

“You don’t think this baby’s in danger?” he asked, heart thundering in his chest at the prospect of Carol having any complications.

“No, not at all.  Let’s go have a look.  That’s one anxious mama we have in there.”  Daryl smirked a little.

“Don’t know who’s more anxious.  Me or her.”  They stepped inside, and Carol’s face lit up when she saw him.  He stuffed his hands into his pockets, not sure of what to do or where to sit, but Andrea pointed out a stool on the opposite side of the table from where she sat, and he took a seat. 

“So, I take it this was a surprise?” the doctor asked with a pleasant smile as she fidgeted with the computer. 

“Um, you could say that,” Carol said with a chuckle.

“How long have you two been together?”  Carol glanced at Daryl, and she swallowed hard.  He saw the anxiety cross her face again, before he opened his mouth to speak up.

“Goin’ on six months,” he offered.  He glanced at Carol, and she mouthed a silent thank you.  It was already enough that she had this unplanned pregnancy to deal with on top of dealing with his memory loss.  He was pretty sure the last thing she needed was to stress herself out trying to explain this complicated relationship, as one-sided as it seemed to be these days.  He felt even more guilty at the thought of it.

“You said you think you’re ten weeks?”

“Um, that’s what they said at the hospital.  So closer to twelve, maybe?”

“Alright, let’s take a look,” Andrea said with a warm smile.  Carol’s lower half was covered by a thin blanket, and she raised her shirt above her stomach to reveal the swell of her stomach.  Daryl’s gaze immediately flew to the small freckle just above her belly button.  In that moment, he could hear her giggling as he kissed her there, tasting her skin and circling his tongue around her navel. 

“Daryl?  You ok?” she whispered, as Andrea squeezed some room-temperature gel onto her stomach.  She flinched at the feeling but kept her eyes trained on him.

“Yeah,” he said with a nervous smile.  “Just fine.  You, um, you need anything?”

“Can you hold my hand?” she asked, gaze softening as she rested her head back against the mat on the table.  He nodded then, reaching for her, curling his fingers around hers.  It wasn’t long before a very distinct whooshing sound filled the room.  Carol bit back a smile as Andrea turned the monitor for her to see.

“That’s a very healthy heartbeat,” she assured her.  “And the baby looks great.  I’d say twelve, maybe thirteen weeks.”  Carol let out a breath of relief and swallowed back her fears. 

“Everything’s ok?  You don’t think the accident hurt anything?”

“You’ve got an active little guy…or girl in there,” Andrea said with a chuckle.  “And before you ask, it’s a little too early to determine gender. But this one’s kicking away.”

“Oh my God,” Carol murmured, staring at the screen.  “I don’t feel anything.”

“You probably won’t for another few weeks,” Andrea assured her.  “Everything looks great.  I want to see you back in a month.  Sooner if you have any problems at all, ok?”

“Ok,” Carol said with a nod.

“Anything at all, any concerns, you call me, and we’ll get you in.  Carol, I don’t want you to worry.  You don’t have a thing to worry about.” 

“Thank you,” Carol said softly.  She looked up at Daryl, but he was looking at the screen, transfixed by the image of his unborn child.

“That’s really…that’s a baby,” he said quietly.

“That’s kinda how this words, dad,” Andrea said with a little grin.  “Alright, Carol, I’m going to get you a couple of printouts.  Baby’s first snapshot.  You hold tight for a few minutes, and I’ll be right back.”  Carol nodded, and Andrea wiped the gel from Carol’s stomach.  When she was gone, Carol looked up at Daryl and took a deep breath.

“So?” she asked quietly.

“That’s my kid in there.”  He put his hand on her stomach, and Carol put her hand over his.

“Yeah.  Yeah, that’s your kid,” she said softly, biting her lip.  “You gonna be ok?”

“Yeah,” he said softly, as Carol curled her fingers around his.  “That’s…that’s our kid.”

“Yeah,” she replied with a smile, watching his eyes shine. 

“Thank you for asking me to come.  I’m glad I didn’t miss this,” he said quietly.  She just nodded and gave his hand another squeeze, and for the first time since the accident, everything felt like it was going to be ok. 


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

_“I never expected this.  I never expected to fall in love with you.”_

Daryl woke in a cold sweat, panting as he sat up in the middle of his bed, blinking into the darkness as the sweat trickled down his neck.  He glanced at the clock and blinked until the blurry red splotches morphed into numbers.  4:32.  He groaned and wiped his forehead with the back of his hand.  For the past few days, he’d been having vivid dreams, and they seemed to fade away within moments of waking.  He’d done some research on remembering dreams, and there were many helpful tips about starting a dream journal.

He picked up the pad of paper off of his bedside table and flicked on the light.  He furiously scribbled on the pages as the last fleeting memories of the dream bled into his unconscious mind. 

_Carol and me in the on-call room at the hospital.  She was crying, because I told her I didn’t want to make her choose.  I wanted her to be happy.  She said she was happy with me._

He stopped writing as the last echoes of her voice left his head.  He wasn’t sure if these were real memories or just dreams, and he wanted to ask her about them, ask her if they were real, but he was still afraid to give her false hope.  Each flash that crossed his mind was so quick, but it always cut deep, piercing him right through the heart, shaking him to the core. 

They were fragments of a puzzle, pieces he couldn’t fit together no matter how hard he tried, and he felt exhausted after, usually lying there for the longest time, trying to figure out what was going on in his head.  They were glimpses, and there were never nearly enough of them.

With a frown, he picked up his phone, pulling it out of the charger.  He wondered if she’d be away, if she’d be waiting to hear from him.  But before he could even attempt to send her a message, the screen lit up with an incoming call.  It was from Rose.  From Carol. 

“Hello?”

“Did I wake you?”

“No,” he promised.  “I’m up.  What’s going on?”

“I can’t sleep,” she murmured.  “I’ve been tossing and turning for hours.”  She sounded tired and sad, and he wished there was something he could do for her.  He knew the stress of Ed’s death and funeral were taking a toll on her, and his own memory issues weren’t helping matters any. 

“There anything I can do?” he asked.  He heard a noise, almost a choking sound, and then he heard her begin to sob.  The lump in his throat swelled, and his heart ached.  “Don’t cry.  M’sorry.  Don’t cry.”

“I shouldn’t be doing this to you,” she choked out between sobs.  “You’re such a good man, and this isn’t your fault.  None of it’s your fault.” 

“Are you home?”

“I’m home,” she murmured. 

“What’s the fastest way to get to your place?”

“No, you shouldn’t…”

“I don’t want you out drivin’.”  Carol hesitated for a moment before managing to give him coherent directions.  “Alright, you sit tight.  I’ll be there in ten minutes.”   Without waiting for a response, he rushed out of bed and quickly dressed and grabbed for his wallet and keys.

He was in the truck within three minutes and heading toward Carol’s place.  He was there in less than five minutes, and he found her sitting on her front porch swing.  The whole house was dark, save for a soft glow from one of the upstairs bedrooms.

“Hey,” he said quietly, stepping up onto the porch, stuffing his hands into his pockets.  “You ok?”

“No, I’m really not,” she murmured.  He could see her shoulders trembling as she looked up at him.  The soft glow from a neighbor’s porch light illuminated the sadness in her eyes, and he felt at a loss to do anything to help her. 

He sat down on the swing beside her and thought of what he could say or what he should say.  But words were paltry things in the face of the mess that their lives had become. 

“This porch swing was broken for years,” Carol murmured.  “Ed never got around to fixing it.  One day, Sophia was at school, and you drove me home, and you fixed my porch swing for me.  I didn’t even ask.  But you said you saw how I cringed every time I looked at it just sitting there against the wall of the house with a broken chain.”  She smiled  a little.  Ed never noticed it.  Didn’t even seem to care that it was fixed.  To the day he died, I don’t think he noticed.”  The lump in Daryl’s throat seemed to grow thicker, and he found swallowing difficult.    “The day you fixed it, Sophia was at a friend’s house, and Ed was working late, and I remember that I made you lemonade, and we made love.  And it was one of the best days we had together.”  One of her hands was white knuckling the swing chain, and Daryl could hear the distress in her voice.  “I miss you.”

“I wish there was somethin’…I wish I could help you.”

“I must sound so selfish.”  Daryl shook his head, but Carol continued.  “I should be thankful.  My daughter’s ok, this baby’s ok, and I survived.  So did you.  We’re here.  We’re alive.  We’re still breathing.  But I miss you, and it hurts.” 

Daryl took a shaky breath, wanting desperately to tell her about the glimpses of possible memories he’d had, about the feeling he seemed to get every time he looked into her eyes, like he knew her, like he had a whole life with her in another time.  But as he looked at her, gripping the chain on the swing as her shoulders shook with suppressed cries, he knew that this bright, beautiful woman deserved so much more than sitting around, hoping and praying that he would get his memories back and remember what they had together. 

“You should stop,” he said quietly. 

“What?” she sniffled.

“You should…you should try to move on.”

“Daryl…what?”

“I hate to see ya like this.  I hate seein’ ya so upset.  Ya got the baby to worry about, and I’m worried about both of ya.  I don’t know if I’m ever gonna remember, and I wish I could be the man you remember.  The man ya fell in love with.  But I don’t know if I’m ever gonna get that back.  I don’t know…”

“You _are_ the man I fell in love with.  Don’t you understand?  It’s not a memory.  It’s not a personality trait.  It’s all here.  All of you.  You’re all here.  You just…you don’t remember loving me.”

“Sometimes I think…I think I do,” he said carefully.  “You touch my cheek, and I feel…I dunno…déjà vu, maybe.  Like it’s happened a hundred times before.  And I wanna remember, ‘cause I care about you.  I care about this baby.  But you need this guy that remembers drinkin’ your lemonade and makin’ love to you.  I wanna remember everything, but I…I can’t.  And I don’t want ya sittin’ around waitin’ for it to happen, ‘cause it might not.  It might never happen.”  He watched as the pain twisted in her face, and her lip began to quiver.  “I want ya to be happy, and you’re gettin’ yourself all worked up over me, and I hate that.  I’m so sorry.”

“It doesn’t…you not remembering doesn’t change how I feel.  I look at you, and I still love you, and that’s what kills me.”  She reached over and gently stroked his cheek again, and he placed his hand over hers.  “What do you feel when you look at me?”  He felt his heart ache then, and he couldn’t help but feel this strong pull toward her, like she was everything, but everything was so confusing and muddled up.  He did care for her, but he was terrified but that feeling wasn’t enough to carry them through.  He didn’t want to hurt her, and he didn’t want to make her miserable. 

“I don’t know,” he admitted.  “I’m sorry.”

“It’s ok,” she whispered.  “I understand.”  She reached over to take his hand.  “Just don’t ask me to give up on you.  On us.  Because I have to believe that there is still something good in this world for us.”  She looked down.  “Unless you want to move on.  Do you want that?”  She looked up at him, worry and fear etched in her face, and he hated that he’d made her feel that way.

He had two choices.  He could give her hope that may never be realized, or he could completely break her heart.  As much as he wanted to tell her that she should move on and find a way to be happy, something inside of him needed to comfort her, to make her feel better, and before he could stop himself, he leaned in, and he pressed his lips against hers.

*~*~*~*~*~*

_“You’re insatiable,” she laughed, as Daryl trailed lazy kisses over her shoulders and snaked his fingers between his legs. “I invite you in for lemonade, and you have me up on the kitchen counter with my panties around my ankles.”_

_“Couldn’t help it.  Lemonade that damned good deserved some praise.”  Carol laughed at that, as she curled her fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck.  They were sprawled out together on the linoleum of her kitchen floor, and as hot and sticky as the day was, neither of them could muster up the strength or energy to reach for that cold pitcher of lemonade that was sweating on the kitchen counter._

_“Well, wait ‘til you try my sweet peach tea,” she teased, as he popped her breast into his mouth and sucked teasingly.  “Ohhh….God.”  She arched back, gripping the back of his head and pushing herself further into his mouth.  “Daryl…”  She bit her lip and gasped when he moved his hands to her hips and nudged his knee between her thighs.  She squeezed her thighs around his, grinding down against him for friction, and within moments, she was writing and panting beneath him._

_“God, I love you,” he groaned against her breast, as he trailed kisses back up to her neck.  She held him tighter then, and she opened up to him when he kissed her._

_“I love you, too,” she whispered, words tinged with sadness and regret._

_“I wanna marry you,” he murmured, pulling back.  His gaze was fixed on hers, and he watched as her lower lip trembled.  “I wanna marry you, and I wanna make babies with you.”  He moved his hand down over her stomach, and the muscles jumped under his finger tips._

_“Daryl, I’m sorry,” she whispered.  “I wish I could give you that.”  She kissed him then, and she pulled her arms around his shoulders.  “I wish I could.”  She pressed soft kisses to his temple then and then to his cheek and his jaw._

_“Someday,” he murmured.  “Someday, I’m gonna help you get outta this.  I’m gonna make sure you’re happy.”  She blinked back the tears, and she just smiled, bringing him down for one more kiss, holding onto this moment, because she knew that someday, somehow, this would all come crashing down, and she prayed that when it did, they would come walking out of it together._


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

_“How much longer?” he asked, watching Carol pace anxiously back and forth in front of his bed._

_“Sixty seconds,” she said quietly, keeping an eye on the timer on her phone._

_“C’mere,” he offered.  But she kept pacing.  “Carol?”  She looked up at him, eyes filled with anxiety and fear.  “C’mere.  Come sit with me.”_

_“I can’t.  Daryl.  What if it’s positive?”_

_“If it’s positive, we’ll figure it out,” he promised._

_“Daryl, with everything going on, it wouldn’t be right.  It wouldn’t be fair to you or to a baby.  I can’t be pregnant, Daryl.  I can’t be.  Not with everything so bad at home.”_

_“M’sure you ain’t pregnant.”_

_“I’m a week late, Daryl”_

_“You been stressed,” he pointed out._

_“Yeah.  Cheating on your husband can get a little stressful.”  She paused, and groaned.  “I’m sorry.  That was a really shitty thing to say.  I’m sorry.”  Daryl reached out and grasped her hand._

_“Baby, c’mere.  Just sit down.  I’ll go look at the test.  M’sure it’s negative.”_

_“But what if it isn’t?”_

_“If it isn’t?  If it isn’t, we’ll figure it out.”  Carol sighed and slumped onto the foot of the bed next to Daryl.  He squeezed her hand, and she put her phone down as the timer went off._

_“I can’t bring another baby into that marriage.”_

_“You wouldn’t be.  Ain’t Ed’s baby.  It’s mine.”  His voice was low, certain, but not possessive.  Carol *frowned then, and she looked into his eyes._

_“Maybe this is a sign that we need to stop messing around.”  Daryl caught her gaze then, and he swallowed the lump in his throat._

_“Maybe it is,” he murmured.  “Maybe it’s a sign you need to leave that husband of yours.”_

_“Daryl it isn’t that simple.”_

_“Yeah, I know,” he muttered.  “You got Sophia, and you’re afraid he’ll try to kill himself again.  Maybe that’d be for the best.”_

_“Daryl!”_

_“Well, shit, Carol.  M’sorry.  I don’t wish the man dead, but he ain’t good for you.  He ain’t good_ to _you, and if him dyin’ is the only thing that’s gonna get you free of him…I’m tired, Carol.  I love you, and I wanna be with you, and I understand that he’s your husband, and he’s got problems, but I don’t fuckin’ care about him, when he takes his problems out on you and makes you so goddamned miserable.”_

_“I need time,” she insisted.  “For Sophia. You didn’t know Ed before.  He was good to me.  He really was.”_

_“But he ain’t now.  And I know he’s got problems.  But it don’t excuse the way he treats ya.”  Carol blinked back the tears as Daryl gave her hand a squeeze.  “Just give me the word, and I’ll take you and Sophia outta this place.  Just give me the word.”_

_“You’re amazing,” she murmured, gently stroking his cheek.  “I love you so much, and I’m so sorry for everything I’m putting you through.  It’s just not time yet.  I’m sorry.”  Her shoulders shook as she fought back sobs, and he put his hands on her arms, pulling her closer._

_“I’m gonna wait until you’re ready, but the first time I see him put a bruise on you, I’m gonna put him in the ground,” Daryl swore._

_“Stop it,” Carol murmured.  “Just stop.  I have to…I have to check the test.”  She got up quickly and moved toward the bathroom.  Daryl was right behind her, and he took her hand.  She spun to face him._

_“I never thought I’d be the guy beggin’ the woman he loves to leave her husband.  You don’t love him.”_

_“I don’t,” she agreed.  “But I can’t be the woman that leaves her husband when he’s in such a bad place.”_

_“Naw, but you got no problem sleepin’ with me in the meanwhile.”  He saw the pain etched in her face in that very moment, and he instantly regretted the words the second they left his lips.  She pulled away from him and rushed into the bathroom, slamming the door behind her.  “Fuck.  Baby, I’m sorry.  Shit.  I’m so sorry, Carol.”_

_He leaned his forehead against the door and took a few sharp, deep breaths as he listened to the door creak as she no doubt slid down it to sit on the floor._

_“I’m sorry I’m such an asshole,” he muttered.  “But, damn it, you gotta stop thinkin’ about Ed and start thinkin’ about yourself.  You deserve so much more, and I wanna give that to you.  And I ain’t gonna lie, I don’t care if you’re pregnant.  I meant it when I told you I wanted babies with you.  But I sure as hell don’t want my kid callin’ that man ‘daddy.’”  He frowned as stepped back from the door.  “Or you can tell me it’s over, if you don’t wanna do this anymore.  Tell me it’s over, and I’ll drive ya home, and I’ll leave ya alone.  If that’s what ya want.”_

_“It’s not what I want, you idiot,” she insisted, opening the bathroom door.  She tossed the pregnancy test at him, and he caught it quickly, clutching it in his hand.  “It’s negative.”  She let out a breath of relief, and Daryl swallowed hard, nodding._

_“Don’t change anything,” he said with a shrug.  “You don’t belong with him.”_

_“I know.”_

_“You belong with me.”_

_“I know,” she replied.  “But you have to give me time, Daryl.  I could never forgive myself if he…”  She couldn’t finish the sentence, and Daryl took a step toward her, pulling her into his arms._

_“I know,” he murmured.  “I’m sorry.”_

_“Me too,” she whispered, standing on her tiptoes to kiss him softly.  “We’re gonna work this out.  I know we will.”_

*~*~*~*

He felt her breath hitch at the first contact of his lips upon hers.  He felt sure he must have made a huge mistake until he felt her relax, and then she was pressing the kiss, urging him to open up, and he did, gratefully as she slid her tongue against his lips. 

Something inside of him burst in that moment, and his nerves tingled with foggy memories of doing so much more than kissing her.  And he ached to remember, ached to feel those things all over again.  His fingertips were ghosting over her pulse point and her jaw, and she whimpered softly against his mouth as he drew her in deep.  The smoldering embers in the pit of his stomach sparked to life, and he felt his heart swell.

He hadn’t expected to kiss her, and he certainly hadn’t expected himself to react in this way to such a kiss, but it felt good, and he wanted more.  She turned in the porch swing to wrap her arms around his neck, and he kissed her deeper, moaning softly as his body began to respond, a hunger awakening in him like nothing he’d ever felt before. 

But just as his fingers curled into the back of her hair, he felt her hands on his chest, pushing him back.

“Stop.  We should stop,” she panted.  “This isn’t right.”  He blinked a few times in the darkness, trying to read her face, and her lip trembled as she stroked his cheek.  “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t,” he choked out, fingers curling gently around her wrist.  “Don’t apologize.  I don’t…I don’t know what just happened.”

“Did you feel something?” she asked softly.  He swallowed the lump in his throat and desperately wished that his budding erection would go away.  He merely nodded, and she gently placed her hands on his thighs. 

“We should take some time,” she offered.  “A few days.”

“You want me to leave?”

“That’s not what I’m saying,” she said quietly.  “Sophia’s friend Penny from school invited her along for a weekend trip with their family. I’m terrified of letting her go, but she’s been begging me.  And I think that maybe you and I could use that time to…to just be together.  I’m not suggesting…I mean, just…just spend a little time.”  She was stammering now, and Daryl curled his fingers around hers.

“I’d like that,” he murmured honestly.

“I feel like we have this back and forth going on, and we’re not moving forward.  We’re just stuck.  We have to figure out where to go from here.”

“We do,” he agreed. 

“I know you don’t remember this, but there was this beautiful quarry you took me to about a month after we first…”  She blushed and cleared her throat.  “I remember how to get there, and I remember you just seemed to at peace there.  So happy.

“You talkin’ about the old Bellwood Quarry?” he asked. 

“Yes!  That’s the one,” she replied with a grin.  “You never told me you’d been there before.”

“A couple times as a kid.  Real pretty water, real nice.  ‘Course ya gotta go when all the tourists ain’t there.”

“Right,” Carol chuckled.  “I’d like to go back.  If you want to, I mean.”

“I want to,” he promised.  He licked his lips, and Carol cocked her head to the side when she saw him look away. 

“What is it?”

“Kissin’ you…I don’t know how I ever stopped before,” he murmured.  She sighed softly and smiled, leaning in to kiss him again. 

“You used to tell me it was something special between us.  That it wouldn’t feel that good unless it was meant to be.” 

“Think I might’ve been right,” he chuckled.  She smiled then, and she squeezed his hand.

“You should go,” she whispered.

“You want me to?”

“No,” she replied, voice shaking, palms sweating.  “Which is why I really think you should.”  She licked her lips and stood up, wiping her hands on her pant legs.  “Thank you for coming over.”  He stood awkwardly, feeling a little better now that he wasn’t so worked up and his pants weren’t so tight.  He cleared his throat and leaned in to brush his lips against hers.  He liked kissing her.  No, he loved it.  And he wanted to keep kissing her, but she was clearly drawing a line, and he didn’t want to disrespect that, especially when she was the one who’d lost something, lost _him_. 

“Ok,” he said quietly, pulling back.  “I’ll, uh…I’ll call you?”  She smiled then and gave him a little nod.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Daryl,” she whispered.  He gave her hand a squeeze, and as he walked away and started down toward his truck, he felt his stomach twist into knots at the idea of leaving her.  He wanted to look over his shoulder and see her again, but he knew if he did, it might make leaving even harder.  Was this was love was supposed to feel like?  He felt anxious and excited and ready for the sun to come up so he could see her again, and with a brief chuckle to himself as the engine of his truck roared to life, he figured that maybe not everything was lost forever, but just waiting to be found.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Daryl held the crinkled paper in his hand as he stood on Carol’s front porch.  Sweat beaded at his brow, and he felt a knot coiling in his stomach as he thought about what he’d say and what excuse he’d make. And before he could get the words right in his head, the front door swung open, and she stood there looking beautiful in a thin, blue sweater and a pair of black pants.  He could see the swell of her belly, and she had this happiness in her eyes that he hadn’t seen before. 

“Hey,” she said with a smile.  “I’m all set.  You’re early, you know.”

“I know,” he choked out.  “Uh…look, before we do this, I gotta confess somethin’.”  Carol eyed him for a moment before stepping back to make way for him to come through the door.  Once inside, the smell of coffee and the faint hint of cinnamon hit him.  All around were pictures of the same child at various ages, and the more recent pictures he recognized as Sophia.  There were a few family photos, but most of them were of Sophia, and Daryl couldn’t help but focus on one portrait, a happy-family photo of Carol holding a baby Sophia with Ed standing behind her with his arms around her.  He suddenly felt as if he was intruding, but the feeling of Carol’s hand on his back startled him back to his senses.

The paper crinkled in his hand, and Carol looked down before looking up at him.

“What’s that?” she asked softly.

“You, uh, you dropped it that night you came to give me the ring,” he admitted.  Carol’s eyes widened slightly in recognition, as Daryl handed the paper out to her.  She unfolded it and glanced at the words, and he could see the color leave her face for just a moment.

“I’ve been…I’ve been looking everywhere for this,” she whispered.  “Why didn’t you tell me you had it?”

“I don’t know,” he admitted.  “I thought maybe havin’ it around, readin’ it over might jog my memory.  But it didn’t, so I just…I just put it in a drawer.  I was lookin’ for my keys today and found it, and I just thought…maybe you ought to have it back.”  He searched her face, and he saw her jaw twitch as her eyes grew glassy with remembrance, but she blinked and the tears were gone.  “This guy, the guy that wrote it, I wanna remember.  I wanna be this guy.”  He swallowed hard as he watched her eyes scan the paper. 

“I was awful to you,” she murmured.

“What?”

“I was,” she said softly.  “I was so caught up in my own mistakes.  I was selfish.”  She swallowed hard and blinked back the tears as she looked up at him.

“You sayin’ we was a mistake?”

“No,” she choked out.  “You were…everything.  I was caught up trying to do what was right.  Ed and I had a whole life before you came along, and he was good to me once.  He couldn’t help that he was sick, but he made choices after, he made choices to not take his meds, to not go to therapy, and that’s when things got bad, but I still couldn’t see past it.  I thought I had to stay until he was better.  But he was never going to get better.”  She sniffled.  “And in the days before he died, he started getting physical with me, and I saw it in your eyes.  I saw this hatred for Ed, and I felt that same hatred.  I wanted him dead, and then he was, and all I could feel when he was gone was relief.  He was gone, and he wasn’t sick anymore.  And Sophia and I wouldn’t have to worry what kind of mood he’d be in when I got home.  We wouldn’t have to be afraid.  And you…you…”  Her voice trembled.  “I should have left him a long time ago.”

“I get it,” he murmured.

“No you don’t,” she said softly.  “You couldn’t.”  She sniffled and shook her head.  “The last six months of my marriage, I would lay in bed at night and think of ways I could escape.  I tried to get him help.  I drove him to countless appointments, and he would sit in the car, and he would refuse to go in, and I’d ask him why, and all he’d tell me was that if I couldn’t accept him for who he was, then I was a failure of a wife.  And then we’d argue, and he’d apologize, and he’d take a pill, and things would be ok for a few hours.”  Daryl reached out, brushing his hand over Carol’s shoulder, a simple act, but he needed her to know he was there.  “I felt trapped.  I convinced myself that it was his illness talking and not him.  It wasn’t him.  And I’d feel guilty for wanting to leave.”

“You felt guilty about us?”

“No,” she murmured.   “You were my escape.”  She caught his gaze.  “And I don’t mean that in a bad way.  Not in a demeaning way.  If it wasn’t for you, I don’t know where I’d be right now.  I don’t think I could have survived the last six months.  You were…when I had a bad day, I just thought of you.  I called you.  I came to see you.  Because, I knew that when I was with you, everything felt right for a little while.  And you have no idea how hard it was for me to walk away every time and go back to that house.  To him.  And I think a part of him knew something was going on, because he’d give me this look when I’d come home.  He’d give me this look of loathing that I can’t get out of my head to this day.  But he’d never say it.  He’d never accuse me.  Until that night…that night you came to help.  Everything just shattered that night, and he could have killed all of us.”  She took a deep breath.  “I should have left him a long time ago.  Daryl, you asked me so many times.  You were ready to just pack up me and Sophia and take us away.  I should have let you.  I’m sorry I put you through all of that.”

“It doesn’t matter,” he said quietly.  “Whatever it was…whatever happened?  It doesn’t matter.”  Carol blinked a couple of times, swallowing hard as she processed his words.  “I’m still here.  And if I didn’t want to be, I wouldn’t be.  I might not remember, but I know me.  There’s something here.  I feel it.  And maybe we can…start over.”

“Start over?”

“Maybe I’ll never remember.  Maybe we won’t have exactly what we had before.  But maybe that’s ok.  Maybe a fresh start is what we need.” 

“A fresh start,” she murmured softly.

“I’m willin’ to try if you are.  We can take it slow, see what happens.  Ain’t everybody who gets a second chance to fall in love.”  He saw her lip tremble then, and he took her hand in his.  “I’m in this.  And it ain’t ‘cause of the baby.  It ain’t.  Even before…there was somethin’ between us.  My head might not remember, but I think my heart does.”

“Stop,” she chuckled, wiping at her eyes. 

“Whaddya say?  You wanna try?  Maybe I won’t remember, but we can make new memories.”

“You really want that?” she asked softly.  Daryl swallowed hard and looked down at Carol’s hands entwined with his.  In his heart, he knew it was the most honest thing he’d ever say.

“Yeah.  I do.”  He gave her hands a squeeze.  “What about you?”  She chewed her lip for a moment and sniffled before she let go of his hands and wrapped her arms around his neck, hugging him close.  He held her, gently rubbing the small of her back as she curled her fingers into his hair.  She sighed and just rested her head upon his shoulder.  When she finally pulled back, she pressed a soft kiss to his lips, and a warmth flooded through him, straight to his heart.

“I want that too,” she whispered, before he pulled her into another sweet kiss.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

_“Oh my God,” she panted, burying her face against his chest as she straddled his hips and flopped lazily across his chest.  “That was…stupid.”_

_“Didn’t hear you complainin’,” he chuckled as he rummaged through his rumpled shirt pocket and pulled out a pack of Morleys and a lighter._

_“I’m pretty sure there’s a law against having sex on public property,” she snorted._

_“Yeah, well, what they don’t know won’t kill ‘em, will it?” he asked, lighting his cigarette and taking a long drag.   Carol frowned and crawled off from on top of him, quickly squirming back into her panties and her jeans._

_“Sorry,” he mumbled._

_“It’s a nasty habit, you know,” she pointed out._

_“Been smokin’ since I was sixteen.”_

_“I wish you’d stop,” she said softly.  “But I’m in no position to tell you what to do with your life.  Or your lungs.”_

_“Seen you in lots of positions today,” he said with a smirk as the cigarette stuck out of the side of his mouth.  She made a face at him and pulled her shirt over her head._

_“Yeah, and how did I end up being the naked one.  At least you got to keep your shirt on,” she teased, running her finger over his stomach and down the patch of hair that led to his groin._

_“I can take it off for ya if ya want,” he pointed out, wiggling his eyebrows.  She rolled her eyes but leaned down to kiss his forehead.  “C’mere, woman.”_

_“Nope.  Not while you’ve got that thing in your mouth,” she replied with a smirk._

_“You want me to quit?” he asked, leaning back on his elbows._

_“It doesn’t matter what I want.  It matters what_ you _want.”_

_“What I want?” he asked quietly, tossing his cigarette into the dirt and sliding his jeans back on.  “You know what I want.”  Carol glanced over at him with a guilty look in her eyes, and she swallowed hard._

_“You know that’s what I want, too, right?” she asked softly, reaching out to touch his chest, just over his heart.  He curled his fingers with hers and gave them a squeeze.  “Everything works out the way it’s supposed to.”_

_“Yeah,” he murmured, standing up and stuffing his feet back into his boots.  “Guess the best things are worth the wait, right?”  He reached a hand out, and Carol took it.  He helped her stand, and he pulled her in close, kissing her softly.  “I love you.”_

_“I love you, too,” she murmured, leaning in to kiss him again, closing her eyes and pressing in close, letting the feeling of his beating heart take her worries away for just a little while._

_*~*~*~*_

“What?” Daryl asked, eyeing Carol from across the cab of his truck.  He’d caught her grinning at him on the way to the quarry.

“Nothing,” she said with a bigger grin.

“I got somethin’ on my face?”

“Nope,” she replied.  “I was just thinking about something.  From before.”

“See, now that ain’t fair.  You’re in the know, and I ain’t.”

“Well, alright,” she said with a chuckle.  “I was remembering the first time we went to the quarry.”

“Shit, I didn’t do somethin’ stupid, did I?”

“No,” she grinned, “but you got tired of all the tourists, so you dragged me off to someplace quiet, and we…”

“Oh,” he blushed.  “Didn’t know I was so damned adventurous.”

“I think we bring out the best…and the worst in each other,” she laughed.  “It was fun.”

“And I can’t even remember it,” he complained.  Carol reached across the seat and put her hand on his knee, and it was like a charge pulsed through him from her fingertips to his groin.  He shifted in the seat, and Carol pulled her hand back. 

“Sorry,” she said softly, keeping her hands to herself.

“S’alright.  I don’t mind.”  Carol smiled then, but she folded her hands in her lap and leaned back against the bench seat, smiling as the warmth of the sun beamed through the windows and warmed her skin.  Then she heard him clear his throat, and when she eyed him again, he was smirking.

“What?”

“Nothin’.  Guess I’m just gonna have to find a way to top last time, huh?”

“God,” Carol snorted.  “I don’t think anything can top that, but you know, give it your best shot.”

“Maybe I will,” he offered, raising an eyebrow as he stretched his arm across the back of the seat.  Carol felt her heart skip a beat as a heat rushed through her and straight to her core.  She crossed her legs and put her hands against her knee, hoping to distract herself from the overwhelming desires raging through her veins. 

It was as if her body could sense when he was close, and it hurt so much that she had to hold back with him now.  She needed so much from him, but she knew that right now he only had so much to offer.  But she was willing to take whatever she could get, no matter how pathetic she felt about it all.

“Maybe we should do it,” he said after a few moments. 

“What?” she asked, voice hitching in her throat as she gawked at him from the other side of the cab.

“I mean…shit, I don’t know what I’m sayin’ here.  He pulled into the parking lot and cut the engine.  He cleared his throat and fidgeted in his seat.  The leather groaned and squeaked from the friction.

“You mean…”

“No.  I mean…yeah.  Not if…not if you don’t.”  He cleared his throat then, as the tension in the cab of the truck thickened.  “M’sorry.  That was a stupid thing to say.  It wouldn’t…wouldn’t be right.”  Carol looked away. 

“I suppose not.”

“Ain’t fair to you.  Not with everything going on,” he continued.  “It was stupid.  M’sorry.” 

“Don’t worry about it,” she said softly, swallowing hard as the tension became more palpable.  She felt the need to get out now and get some fresh air, which was exactly what she did.  He followed her lead, and together, they walked side by side toward the quarry.  When he felt her hand slip into his, he looked down at their entwined fingers and then met her gaze.  “It wasn’t stupid.”

“No?”

“But it’s probably not the most constructive thing to do.”  Her heart hammered in her chest, and she felt a twinge between her legs.  She couldn’t deny that she missed him.  She couldn’t deny that she wanted him with every fiber of her being, especially since she knew what she was missing.  But it terrified her, because it would be like the first time all over again for him.  She knew him better than she knew herself, she was certain, and to open up like that to someone and be so vulnerable was a very hard thing to do.  Now she had to do it all over again?

“Probably not,” he muttered, squinting into the sunlight as they passed other young couples walking hand in hand.  They glanced at one another again, and then Carol blushed.

“I mean, it would be weird, wouldn’t it?  Everything would be new to you but not to me.  No surprises anymore.”  She blushed again, and Daryl’s face turned pink as well.  “We shouldn’t be talking about this.”

“No,” he agreed uncertainly.  “Probably not.”  He cleared his throat again, and he kicked a rock with the toe of his boot.  But it wasn’t long before Carol was slowing, and her hand was trembling in his.  “You ok?”

“I’m fine,” she said with a smile.  “Just a little nervous.”

“I know what ya mean,” he said quietly.  “Ain’t never been that good at first dates before.”

“Well, if it makes you feel any better, our first first date was pretty great.”  She smiled when he squeezed her hand.  “And I think this one’s going to be just as good.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” she said with a smile.  “I do.  The day is still young, right?”  She gave him a little wink, and Daryl felt his heart flutter in his chest.  Oh yeah.  This could definitely be the best date he’d ever remember.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

It had started with a ‘thanks for the nice day’ and was propelled forward by a lingering ‘do you want to come in for a cup of coffee?’  The next thing either of them knew, Carol was straddling his lap on her couch, and she had her shirt off while his hands struggled with the back of her bra.

“Christ,” he grunted, as her hand moved down his stomach and grazed over the rock hard erection straining against his jeans. 

“We should stop,” she panted between kisses, as he struggled for the willpower to stop, despite the fact that her fingers were now sliding along his length through the denim of his jeans.

“Then you better stop touchin’ me like that, sweetheart,” he got out, finger grazing over one hardened nipple through the cup of her bra.  She moaned, tugging at his lip with her teeth.  She pulled back then, hands moving to his shoulders, and she rocked against his lap, the heat between her legs doing nothing to appease his aching cock. 

“Still nothing?” she asked softly, eyelids fluttering open as he traced lazy circles over her bare back.  He shook his head, and Carol slumped forward, resting her forehead against his.  “I’m sorry.”

“What’re you apologizin’ for?” he asked with a smirk.

“I don’t know,” she admitted.  “I just…I miss you.  I’ve missed this.”  Daryl slid his hand up her back and to the base of her neck and pulled her closer.  She sighed against his lips, opening up to him as she gave into every desire and urge she’d been suppressing.  She’d missed him.  She’d missed all of this.  And she knew that it wasn’t going to be the same, but it was still him.  And when he looked at her?  God.  Sometimes it was like everything was the way it was, like he remembered, like she didn’t have to try to put the pieces together for the both of them.

“You want me to stop?” he asked between kisses.  She murmured something against his lips, and his heart fought bravely with his brain as a battle of wills raged through him.  On the one hand, this gorgeous woman was in love with him and grinding on his lap, and it felt so good to hold her in his arms.  On the other hand, what they had was so fragile, and the last thing he wanted to do was fuck it up and ruin this.  Whatever it was.

“I don’t want to stop,” she moaned.  “Do you?”  Daryl’s mouth went dry, and he shook his head, as Carol pulled back, reaching behind her back to unclasp her bra. 

“Jesus,” he grunted, getting a brief glimpse of her small but perfect breasts that bounced gently with each of her shaking breaths.

“Maybe we just see what happens?” she offered, threading her fingers into the back of his hair, pulling his face against her chest.  She felt teeth and tongue against her nipple, and she hissed out a sharp gasp.  She closed her eyes and threw her head back, panting as he massaged one breast with his hand and teased the other with his mouth.  She angled her hips, grinding against his lap, trying desperately to feed the flame.  She needed a distraction.  So as he kissed his way back up her neck and kissed her again, she opened up to him and boldly cupped his groin, giving it a squeeze through the denim.  He grunted against her mouth, and she worked quickly to pop the button.  Before he could stop her, her hand was down the front of his jeans, and she had her fingers wrapped around him. 

“God dammit,” he panted, throwing his head back against the couch as a white-hot jolt of pleasure struck a root deep down, and his hips went flying up.  She smiled at him then and removed her hand before pulling herself off of his lap and shimmying out of her jeans so she stood there wearing nothing but her panties.  His cock twitched as he took in the sight of her, slim but firm in all the right places. 

“Pants off.”  Her voice was low, filled with desire, and as Daryl struggled to slide his pants off, Carol wasted no time in straddling his lap again, cupping the bulge in the front of his briefs.  “I missed this.”  She traced her tongue along his lip, and he kissed her back with an equal passion tinged with desperation when her hand reached back in and curled around his cock.  She pulled him out, and the cool air made his cock throb in her hand.  She kissed him, tracing her fingers along the thick vein on the underside as if she’d done it a hundred times before. 

The fact that she already knew his body actually served to be a huge turn on.  And he didn’t know how far she was going to take it, but he’d be damned to stop it.  He found purchase on her hips, gripping her firmly as she pumped her hand around him, giving him a little squeeze at the base before pulling upward. 

“This good?” she asked softly, kissing him before pulling back to gauge his reaction.  His head was leaned back, and he looked like he was trying to hold on for dear life.  With a little smile, she leaned forward and kissed his lips again.  “Hmm?”

“You’re amazing,” he grunted, gripping her hips a little tighter.  “We done this before?”

“Oh, we’ve done a lot of things,” she teased, skimming her fingers down his neck.

“It’s pretty damned good,” he offered, hips bucking into her hand as she stroked him a little faster.  His head fell back again, and he felt her hand fall from his neck.  Her fingers curled around his wrist, and before he knew what was happening, she was guiding his hand inside of her panties.  She was soaking wet, and he could smell the intoxicating scent of her arousal all around him.  He groaned when she let go of his hand and focused solely on bucking against his hand and stroking him.

She slumped against him then, burying her face against his neck when he curled his fingers against her.  He slid his fingers through the wet heat, and when she mewled out a whimper, he knew he’d found the right spot.  He closed his eyes, concentrating on making her feel good as he felt the bubble swelling inside of himself.  If he wasn’t careful, this would be over before it started, and it was getting pretty fucking good.

“Fuck,” he panted, as she squeezed him a little harder.  He slid his hand further into her panties, and she squirmed in his lap as he pushed a finger inside of her.  She gasped softly, running her thumb over the head of his dick, gathering the bit of moisture that had gathered there.  He groaned, biting his lip as his balls tightened, and he put his hand over hers to still her movements. 

“You better stop,” he got out. 

“It’s ok,” she said with loving smile.  “It’s ok.  Sit back.”  He relaxed then, and his cock throbbed when Carol let go of him.  She slid her hands up his stomach under his shirt.  Following her lead, he removed his hand from between her legs and helped her slide his shirt off.  As soon as it was on the floor, she had him in her hand again, and he was sliding two fingers inside of her, angling up and stroking her as her walls fluttered around him.

“God,” she panted.  “Oh God.  Daryl!”  She wrapped one arm around his neck for leverage, and her breasts pressed against his chest.  He took in the smell of her, the sounds of her whimpering as she kissed his neck.  And her hips were wriggling as he stroked her faster, and to his surprise, he felt a flood of warmth against his hand as she came. 

“Holy shit,” he panted, as he pushed in another finger, stroking her, wondering if he could make her come twice.  And she was gripping his hips like a vice with her knees, locking them there together on the couch as she drew him closer to the edge.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, when she pulled her hand away from his dick and brought her arms around his neck.

“I want you inside me when you come,” she panted.  “Please.”  Daryl could hear the desperation in her voice now, and he realized in that moment that she’d never intended for it to go this far tonight, but there was no stopping it, and there was no going back. 

“You sure?” he asked.

“Please,” she whimpered against his lips, teasing his tongue with her own as her walls pulsed around his fingers.

“Here?”

“Now,” she got out, as he pulled his hand away and thrust her panties down her hips.  She scooted forward then, gripping him again and guiding him to her center.  She eased down on him slowly, and he pulled back, watching the way her head fell back and her mouth fell open as her walls stretched around him, as he stretched her, filled her to fullness. 

“Christ,” he swore, nearly spilling over the second he was seated inside of her hot core.  “Carol, I ain’t gonna last.”

“It doesn’t matter,” she promised.   “It doesn’t.”

“Am I hurtin’ you?”

“You have no idea what you do to me,” she whispered, silencing him with another kiss as she began to ride him.  He never expected the night to end like this.  As awkward as things had gotten between them earlier, he hadn’t expected they’d actually go through with it.  Talking about it had been strange enough, but this?  This was the most magnificent thing he had ever experienced.  Being a doctor, he’d brought life into the world, saved lives, brought people back from the brink of death, but being buried inside of her was the highest he’d ever felt in his whole goddamned life, and he wanted more.  He didn’t ever want to stop.

She steadied herself, putting her hands on his shoulders.  She rode him, and he gripped her hips to keep her steady, and he wondered how he couldn’t even remember doing a thing like this with her when it felt so damned good.  All he could do was thank his lucky stars that he’d been fortunate enough to have this woman come into his life, even if the circumstances hadn’t been the greatest to begin with.  But now, he was holding her, and she was riding him like she knew exactly what to do, squeezing him at just the right time to bring him close to the edge without slipping over. 

“C’mere,” he panted, pulling his arms around her back. 

“What’s wrong?” she asked.  He said nothing and began to kiss her neck, and then he was lifting her up off of his lap, and she let out a soft whine.  “Why are you stop…oh!”  He flipped her onto her back, carefully and quickly, crawling over her as she spread her legs and tugged at his shoulders.  She smiled up at him, and he kissed her, settling between her legs and pushing into her again.  She sighed at the feeling of being filled by him again, moaning softly as he began to thrust into her, stroking her as stars burst behind his eyes at the feeling of her surrounding him, hot and wet and tight.  She was so fucking perfect, and he wasn’t sure he could ever get enough.

And he was right, he wasn’t going to last, but he managed to hold on long enough to bring her over the edge one more time, and the moment her arms went limp around his neck and she arched back against the couch, he let go, biting out his groans against her neck.  And when he collapsed against her, she threaded her fingers through his hair, and she pressed kisses along his jaw and his brow. 

“Are you ok?” she whispered softly, tasting the salt of his skin against her lips. 

“Ain’t I s’posed to ask you that?” he asked softly, propping himself up as he slid out of her.

“I don’t know what came over me,” she admitted.  “If you weren’t ready…”

“You ain’t gotta worry about that,” he promised, gently brushing his thumb over her cheek.  “I was ready.  Hell, might still be a little ready.  Give me a couple minutes.”  She chuckled and shook her head before sobering.

“That’s not what I meant.”  She placed her hand over his chest.  “It was our first time for you.  For me?  It was…well, I lost count a long time ago.”  She worried her lip between her teeth. 

“I wanted to be with you,” he promised.  “I wanna be with you.”  He kissed her softly.  “Was it…I mean…like before?”

“You want me to grade you?” she asked with a chuckle.

“No, I mean…was it different?”

“Yeah,” she said softly.  “But not bad different.”  She ran her fingers through his hair.  “It’s always good with us.  I love you.”  He opened his mouth to speak, but she stopped him with a kiss.

“I don’t want you to say it.  Not until you feel it.  I’m not the kind of woman that needs false reassurances.  I need you to be honest with me.  Real.  If we go into this thing together, I don’t want you to have to pretend.”  She gently stroked the back of his neck.  “So when you say it—if you ever feel it—I want you to be sure.”  She cupped his cheek with her hand.  “You hear me?”

“Yeah,” he murmured.  “I hear you.”  And he kissed her again, as his heart felt like bursting beneath his chest.  He’d never felt more like saying it, but he knew she was right.  He had to be sure.  He had to be ready.  The last thing he’d ever want to do was break her heart.

*~*~*~*~*

 _“I can’t believe that fucker hurt so much,” Daryl grimaced, as Carol applied some fresh cream to his sore shoulder.  “Also can’t believe_ you _got a tattoo.  Ain’t you worried your husband’s gonna notice?”_

_“Daryl, my husband hasn’t paid me much mind for a long time,” she said quietly.  “We might as well live in separate houses,” she snorted, pressing a kiss to his neck as she finished putting the clear bandage over his fresh Cherokee Rose tattoo._

_“Yeah?” he asked, reaching around to pull her into his lap as he sat on the foot of his bed._

_“Yeah,” she said softly.  “It’s not a real marriage anymore.  It’s...just living.”_

_“No it ain’t,” he said quietly._

_“No.  You’re right,” she agreed, kissing him lovingly. “This is living.”  Her hand moved between them, down his chest and to his lap to rest on his thigh.  “Right here.  With you.”_

_“I could give you everything, you know?” he offered, holding her close and pulling her down with him.  He flipped her onto her back, crawling between her legs, peppering soft kisses along her collarbones._

_“I know,” she stuttered out._

_“And you would be all mine,” he murmured, grazing a nipple with his teeth through the fabric of her blouse._

_“I’m already yours,” she admitted, running her fingers through his hair.  “Every part of me.”_

_“Yeah?” he asked, popping the first button on her blouse.  “This is mine?”  He kissed her collarbone._

_“Mmm,” she murmured, arching back as her body began to respond to his words and touches._

_“This is mine?”  He brushed a thumb along the underside of her breast._

_“Yeah, that too,” she chuckled, biting her lip as he moved further down, unbuttoning her jeans and sliding them down her hips.  He kissed each hip bone and then buried his face between her legs, inhaling her scent through her panties._

_“And this?”_

_“Especially that,” she bit out, gripping his hair as he slid her panties down her legs and dove in, wasting none of the precious little time they had together to make her feel good; to make her understand that he was more than serious about wanting to give her everything and more.  As much as he loved every single piece of her, every breath she took, every smile she sent in his direction, the one part of her he couldn’t live without, the one piece of her that he needed more than air was right between them.  He needed her love, her heart, her beautiful spirit.  It took everything he had inside of him to not dwell on the fact that before her, his life only had meaning inside of work.  Outside, he was just some loser that worked too much and wasted too much time not knowing how the hell to love someone.  But then she came into his life and changed everything, and he knew he couldn’t live without her._


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

She looked like an angel when she slept.  He hadn’t slept at all.  He’d spent hours watching the way her body moved when she slept.  A hand would curl against the pillow.  A smile would twitch at her lips.  He admired the curve of her shoulders, the way her back rose and fell as she took slow, deep breaths.  He wanted to touch her, wanted to run his hand down her soft, smooth back.  And as he lay in this strange bed in this strange house, he felt like he belonged.

The whole night was one fantastic blur.  After what had happened downstairs on the couch, they’d gone upstairs and fallen right into her bed.  For what his brain lacked in memory, his body seemed to know just what hers needed, as he’d responded to each touch, and in turn, she’d responded to his own.  And he’d felt this lump in the back of his throat when she’d smile at him, and he had never felt so loved, and it made him feel guilty, because he couldn’t remember what they’d shared together.  The glimpses he’d gotten in the past few days were nothing but foggy mirrors in his mind, a distorted image of reality. 

But this was real.  The warmth of her next to him was real.  The way she’d kissed him and touched him had been real.  The way his heart had swelled when he’d looked into her eyes was real.  It was like there were two of him.  There was this man that had managed to make a married woman fall in love with him, had convinced an unhappy woman to leave a toxic marriage.  Then there was this guy, this guy who he’d always been, that had studied and worked hard to get into medical school just to prove the assholes wrong that’d told him he’d never do a damned thing with his life.  And this woman _loved_ him, even though he couldn’t remember loving her.  And he knew that was something to hold onto.  _She_ was something to hold onto.

The burning below his belly told him it was time to get out of bed, and he slowly rolled over and scooted out of bed.  The tile floor of the ensuite was cold against his bare feet, and he closed the door, turning the light on and heading toward the toilet.  He rubbed his aching eyes as he relieved himself, and then he turned toward the shower.  All of the body wash was flowery or fruity, and he didn’t exactly want to go around smelling like a woman all day, though he knew it smelled fantastic on her. 

He felt wrong rummaging through the drawers by the shower, but he quickly found a bar of his favorite soap and hoped she wouldn’t mind too much.  He also wondered if it had belonged to Ed, and the thought made him feel a mix of guilt and anger over Carol’s late husband. 

He quickly slid the bar from the small paper box and started up the shower.  Once steam began to billow out of the top of the stall, he stepped in.  The hot water felt amazing against his skin, and he dipped his head low, letting the water soak his scalp and slide down the back of his neck.  He took a deep breath and shuddered under the onslaught of warmth, and he threw his head back, letting the water spray his face and soak his skin.

He lathered up, sliding the bar over his body.  He washed quickly but thoroughly before putting the soap on the small corner shelf in the stall and leaning into the stream again.  It felt too damned good to get out just yet. 

What he didn’t hear through the sound of running water was the bathroom door creaking on its hinges or the quiet clatter of the toilet seat.  He didn’t hear the soft flop of a robe on the tile floor.  He also didn’t hear the slight squeak of the shower door opening, but when he felt a pair of hands wrap around him from behind, he didn’t startle, because he knew it was her, and there was no one else.  He moaned softly when he felt her lips against the spot between his shoulder blades as her hands gently rubbed his chest and stomach. 

“Did I wake ya?” he asked, as her tongue darted out to taste his skin.

“No,” she murmured softly.  “Nature called.”

“Same,” he murmured with a chuckle.  “You sleep ok?”  He glanced over his shoulder, but he couldn’t see her.  He only saw her hands gliding up his arms and over his shoulders.

“Yeah,” she promised, kissing the back of his neck.  He heard the squeak of skin against the floor of the shower as she slid around to face him.  She wrapped her arms around his neck and flinched as splashes of water stung her eyes.  “You?”

“Nope,” he replied.  At the concern that began to crease her brows, he just smiled and leaned down to kiss her.  “Ain’t complainin’.”  She curled her fingers into his wet hair and opened up to him, moaning softly as his hand slid down her back and over her ass.  “You wanna do somethin’ with me today?”

“I wish I could,” she pouted, running a ringer along his jaw.  “I have to pick Sophia up from her grandmother’s today and take her to the doctor.”

“She ok?”

“Yeah,” Carol promised.  “Just a checkup.”  She kissed his forehead. 

“Yeah,” he murmured.  “And I need to try to get cleared for work.  Ain’t doin’ nobody no good just sittin’ around the house or lookin’ over charts.”

“Don’t rush yourself,” she said softly.  “You should take some time.”

“Nah,” he said with a shake of his head.  “The sooner I get back to it, the sooner maybe things’ll start to feel normal.”  Carol smiled a little, and she stood on her tiptoes to kiss him again.  “When am I gonna see you again?”

“Would you like to come over Saturday for dinner?  I’d like Sophia to get to know you.  If that’s ok with you.”

“You sure that’s ok?” he asked quietly, anxiously.  “I mean, so soon?”

“Sophia wasn’t happy at home, Daryl.  Ed frightened her.  And I tried to protect her, but she saw more than she should have.  She heard more than she should have.  And she didn’t see me happy very often.  Not there at the last.  And I want her to know that I can be happy.  I want her to feel safe.  And I’m happy when you’re here.”

“You think she’ll understand?”

“I hope so,” Carol said softly.  “That’s why I’d like to start with dinner and see what happens.  I want her to be ok with this.  I need her to be ok with it.  If she’s not then…”

“I understand,” he said quietly, stroking the back of her head, feeling a tug at his heart as he thought about how this might affect Sophia.  He hadn’t really thought about it, and he suddenly felt guilty.  Her father was dead, and she was going through so much. 

“Daryl, she’s going to love you,” Carol said softly.  “And I’m going to have a lot of explaining to do when I have to tell her about this baby.”  She reached out and took Daryl’s hand, moving it to her stomach.  “But if you’re not ready, I understand that.  I know you have a lot to think about.”

“Hey, I ain’t goin’ nowhere,” he promised, gently rubbing her stomach.  “M’gonna be here for you and for this baby.”  He leaned in and kissed her once again.  “Dinner sounds good.”  Carol sighed softly against his mouth and gently moved her hands down his chest and to his waist.  “You gotta go soon?”

“Not for a while,” she promised with a soft hum of approval as Daryl’s hands moved to her hips. 

“Good,” he murmured, backing her against the shower wall and pressing into her intently.  She giggled against his mouth as he began to kiss her again, and then she lost herself in his touch and in the hope that everything was going to be alright from now on.

*~*~*~*~*

_Daryl felt like the wind had been knocked out of him the moment the front door opened and Ed Peletier came out carrying a sleeping Sophia in his arms._

_“Ed, stop!” Carol hissed, rushing after him, clawing at his back as he rushed their daughter to the car._

_“I’m takin’ her!” Ed shouted.  “And if you wanna keep on bein’ her mama, you’re gonna come with me.  And we can forget about this.”  The ruckus roused Sophia from her sleep, and her eyes widened in fear as she realized her parents were fighting.  It was dark, and she couldn’t make out much.  Just the feeling of her father’s heart thundering in his chest and the way his arms shook as he carried her._

_“Ed, stop!  Stop!”  Ed put Sophia on the back seat and slammed the door.  The little girl’s whimpers could be heard through the glass, as Ed spun and advanced on his wife._

_“You wanna leave?  You wanna leave?!  You think he can give you what I can’t?  That it?” Ed fumed._

_“I love him,” Carol choked out in a whisper.  “I’m sorry if this hurts you, but we aren’t happy, Ed.  We’re not.  And it’s not good for Sophia.  I don’t…I don’t love you anymore.”  Daryl moved to stand behind Carol, and he protectively reached out for her hand behind her back.  Ed’s gaze flickered between them, and a cross between anger and hurt flashed over his face.  “I’m sorry, Ed.  God, I’m sorry.  But I can’t help it.  And I want you to get help.  I want you to be ok.  But I can’t do this anymore!”  She began to tremble, and she slumped back, her shoulders shaking against Daryl’s chest.  “Please.  Don’t do this.”_

_“You get in this car now, or you’ll never see her again.  I can promise you that,” Ed said evenly, his voice tinged with darkness._

_“Don’t hurt her,” Carol choked out.  “She’s my baby.”_

_“Get in,” Ed warned.  Daryl made a move to step between Daryl and Ed, but in that moment, Carol held him back._

_“No.  No.”  She turned toward Daryl then, eyes flashing up at his, shimmering with tears.  “I’m sorry.  I’m so sorry.”_

_“You don’t gotta do this,” Daryl murmured._

_“Call the police,” she whispered.  She gave his hand a squeeze before she turned to Ed.  “I’ll go,” she promised.  “Just don’t hurt her.”  Ed reached out, grabbing her arm, squeezing hard as he ushered her into the passenger’s side._

_“Mommy!” Sophia cried, reaching for her mother as Ed bellowed at her to put on her seat belt.  Daryl stood in frozen horror as the car backed out of the driveway and tore down the street, knocking over a mailbox in its wake._

_He reached for his phone and hopped into his pickup, desperately dialing 911 as he started off after Peletier’s car, praying against the dull ache in his chest, praying that the worst wasn’t about to happen.  And then, as he pulled out into the highway, there was a blur of red as Peletier slammed on the brakes, and then everything went dark._


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

 _Beep.  Beep.  Beep._ Carol groaned softly and rolled onto her back, running her hand over her face as she reached for her cell phone.  _Beep.  Beep.  Beep._   Who the hell could be calling at…two-thirty in the morning?  She blinked, trying to focus on the bright, blurry screen.   She finally gave up trying to figure out who was calling and pressed the answer button.

“Hello?”

“You went with him, because he was taking Sophia.  And you told me to call the police.”

“Daryl,” she murmured softly. 

“Did that happen, or was it just a dream?”  Carol sat up in the middle of her bed.  “You were leaving him, and he took Sophia, and you followed him because he had your little girl.  And you told me to call the police.  And I followed you.  And then we had the accident.”

“You…you dreamt that?”

“Was it a memory?”

“Oh my God,” Carol murmured.  “Yeah.  Yeah, that was a memory.”  She pulled her hand over her mouth, trying to clear her head as her heart began to pound in her chest.  “Do you…do you dream a lot?  About me?  About us?”

“I try to write ‘em down when I get ‘em.”

“How long has this been going on?  Daryl?”

“A while. Not long.  I just…I try to keep a journal.”

“What do you have?”  She heard pages rustling, and then Daryl was clearing his throat.

“ _Carol and me.  Tattoos.  I whined like a little bitch, and Carol didn’t even make a sound through hers.”_   Carol couldn’t help the giggle that escaped her lips.

“Did that really happen?”

“It really happened,” she said with a chuckle.  “But you really didn’t whine.  You flinched, and you said it hurt, but you were probably hurting inside.”  Daryl snorted at that.  “What else?”

“Uh…hold on.  _Sun…yeah, Sun View Hotel, 3 rd Floor, room service sent us the honeymoon suite’s order, and we spent the whole day in bed.  Something about whipped cream.”_

“Um…”

“Was that just a dream?”

“It’s a memory I’m pretty sure I’d like to forget.”

“Why?”

“Because it involved me wearing nothing but whipped cream.”

“Shit, that sounds like a good memory,” Daryl replied.

“For _you_ , maybe.  But I was sticky all over.”

“I didn’t offer to clean you up?”

“Oh, you did.  You tried, anyway,” she laughed.  “God, I’d almost forgotten about that.”

“I got another one.”

“Ok.”

“ _Carol and me in the on-call room at the hospital.  She was crying, because I told her I didn’t want to make her choose.  I wanted her to be happy.  She said she was happy with me.”_ He heard her sigh softly.  “Carol?”

“That was a few weeks before the accident,” she said with a sigh.  “I waited too long.  I have…a lot of regrets.” 

“About us?”

“None,” she said softly.  “Only that I didn’t go with my heart sooner than I should have.”

“You did what you had to do,” he assured her.  “He was your husband.”  Carol sighed softly and ran her fingers through her hair.

“I wish you were here.”

“M’sorry I woke you.”

“I’m not.  Daryl, why didn’t you tell me you were having these dreams?  You’re starting to remember.”

“It’s just pieces.  Flashes.  It happens sometimes.  I didn’t wanna give you false hope.  I don’t want to get your hopes high and then let you down.”

“You could never let me down,” she murmured.  “I don’t know how you do it.  I really don’t.  You’ve been amazing . You’ve been patient, and if it was me that couldn’t remember, I’d be a mess.  I’d be a complete basket case.”

“Probably would’ve lost my damned mind if it wasn’t for you.  M’glad you’ve been here.”  A pause.  “We still on for tomorrow?”

“Yeah,” Carol said softly.  “I told Sophia you were coming over.  And she remembers you from the hospital.”

“You think…you think she remembers me from that night?  I mean, before the accident?” 

“I don’t…I’ve been talking to her,” she said quietly.  “Honestly, it was so dark that night.  And she was so scared.  I don’t think she does.  Daryl?  I don’t want you to worry.  I think this is going to be good for her.  She’s been…happy.  She’s not scared anymore.  And she can’t wait to show you how many kids have signed her cast.”

“She’s a tough kid.”

“Yeah,” Carol chuckled.  Then her voice faltered.  “You know, I keep playing it over and over in my head.  That accident was…Ed wanted to kill us all.  Himself, me, Sophia.  I hope Sophia never remembers the look on Ed’s face.  I’ve never seen anything like it, Daryl.”  He could hear her breath falter, and all he wanted to do was comfort her. 

“You ain’t ever gotta worry about that again,” Daryl promised, anxiously chewing the edge of his thumbnail as he fidgeted on his bed.  “Hey.”

“Hmm?”

“I got cleared to start back to work.”

“Daryl, that’s wonderful!” Carol exclaimed.  “When do you go back?” 

“Officially have all my privileges back Monday.”

“Just take it easy and don’t rush yourself,” Carol warned.

“I run trauma in the ER.  Ain’t no takin’ it easy, sweetheart.”  He could hear her breath catch again.  “Um, you got another doctor’s appointment?”

“Not for a few weeks,” she said gently. 

“You wanna find out?  I mean, what we’re havin’?”  Carol’s heart warmed when he included himself in their little unit. 

“I’m on the fence now.  I thought I knew what I wanted to do.  But now I don’t.  What about you?”

“I kinda wanna know.”

“You probably want a little boy.  Somebody’s got to carry on the Dixon name, right?”

“Hell, I ain’t sure the world’s ready for Daryl Dixon Jr.”  Carol snorted at that. 

“I’ve already had my girl.  I’d love to have a little boy.  But I’d be just as happy for Sophia to have a little sister.” 

“Maybe we’ll get one of each.”

“Bite your tongue!” she smirked.  “Nope.  Just one in there.” 

“Maybe next time,” he offered.

“Oh, there’ll be a next time?” she teased.

“Why not?  We can afford it.”

“Oh, we can?”

“Sure.  I’m a big shot doctor, remember?” he flirted.

“Oh, help me, I’m swooning.”  Daryl laughed then, and he relaxed against his pillow. 

“Should I come over?”

“Should you?  Probably not.  Do I want you to?  More than you know.”  She sighed heavily.  “I miss you.”  She swallowed hard and closed her eyes, leaning back against her pillow as she thought of what she’d want him to do to her if he was there. 

“Me too,” he murmured.  A pause.  “What’re you wearing?”  After a long moment of silence, Carol snorted and began to laugh.  “What?”

“Some things never change.”

“What?”

“You’re so very… _you_.  Sometimes I forget that you don’t remember.”  She sighed heavily.  “Hey, I’ll see you tomorrow, ok?”

“Yeah,” he murmured.  “M’sorry I woke you up.”

“I’m not,” she replied, and he could hear in her voice that she was smiling.  “Good night, Daryl.”

“Night,” he murmured, listening to the phone go silent as she ended the call.  He put his phone down and ran his fingers through his hair as he stared up at the ceiling, wide awake, unable to get her out of his head.  And the more he thought about her, the more awake he became, and the more his body began to respond to the places his thoughts began to wander.  Oh yeah.  It was going to be a long, long night.

*~*~*~*

When Daryl showed up at Carol’s front door the next evening with two bouquets of flowers in his hands, he was greeted by the sight of a little girl with wide, expressive eyes with her casted arm pressed against the storm window on the screen door.

“Hey, Sophia.  You remember me?” he asked, watching as the child eyed him warily.  She crinkled her nose in concentration, and she finally smiled.

“Dr. Daryl,” she said with a grin.

“Yep.  Hey, that cast looks pretty cool.”

“Everybody in my class signed it.  See?  There’s Penny, Carl, Alexis, Daniel, A…”

“Sophia, it’s not polite to talk to somebody through the screen door,” Carol reminded her, coming up behind her and gently putting a hand atop her daughter’s head.  Sophia looked up and grinned at her mother, and Carol chuckled, unable to deny that her daughter had her wrapped around her little finger.  “Would you like to invite our guest in?”

“Dr. Daryl, you want to eat with us?”

“Sounds good,” Daryl chuckled.  “Hey, if I remember right, your favorite color’s purple, right?”

“Uh-huh!” Sophia said with an enthusiastic nod.  Daryl lowered one of the bouquets to reveal some bright, purple flowers, and Sophia’s eyes went wide.

“Mommy, look!  They’re so pretty!  How’d they get that color?”

“I don’t know.  Maybe it’s magic,” Carol suggested.  Sophia’s gaze softened with wonder, and she clutched the bouquet in her un-casted hand. 

“Thank you,” she said softly, hurrying over to hug Daryl around the middle.

“You’re welcome, Soph,” he said with a pat atop her head.  When Sophia let go, Carol excused her to go inside and play.  When she turned back to Daryl, he held the other bouquet out for her.  “These are for you.  Didn’t know what you liked.  They ain’t Cherokee roses.”

“White roses,” she said softly.  “They’re beautiful.”  She leaned in to give him a kiss on the cheek in thanks, and she lingered for just a moment that he turned and pressed his lips against hers.  She smiled into the kiss and held the flowers out, careful not to crush them as she kissed him back with a tenderness that warmed her heart.  When he pulled back and cleared his throat, she smiled, blushing, and she ran her thumb over his lower lip.  “Thank you.”  She took a step back and opened the screen door wide.  “I hope you brought your appetite.”  At his glance, the warmth in her heart quickly spread lower.  He brought his appetite, alright. 

*~*~*~*

“Mommy makes the best fried chicken.  Better than grandma’s!” Sophia insisted, propping her elbow on the table as the three of them sat around after dinner.

“I gotta say that’s the best fried chicken I ever had,” Daryl agreed.  “Your mama’s a great cook.”  Carol beamed as she pushed back her chair.  “Now stop it you two.  Sophia, honey, please take your elbow off the table.”  Sophia obeyed, as she always had when Carol made her mind when Ed was home for dinner.  She felt a pang of guilt and moved around behind her daughter’s chair.

“I think there’s a cookie or two waiting for you in the kitchen.”  When Sophia’s eyes lit up, Carol grinned down at her daughter.  “You can have one, and then you have to go upstairs and brush your teeth.  It’s almost bedtime.”

“Aw, but mama, I wanna talk to Dr. Daryl,” Sophia pouted.  Carol couldn’t help but see the grin spread over Daryl’s face.  “Can’t I stay up?  It’s Saturday.”

“Five more minutes,” Carol agreed with a nod.  Sophia jumped up from her chair and went into the kitchen to retrieve her cookie.  When she returned, she pressed Daryl with all sorts of questions about the hospital, asking him how many babies he’d delivered, to which he replied, ‘more than I can count, but that was a long time ago.’  Carol let Sophia’s bedtime slide back fifteen more minutes until the clock on the mantle in the next room chimed nine o’clock.

“Aw,” Sophia groaned as Carol insisted she go up to bed, “alright.  Thank you for the flowers, Dr. Daryl.”

“You’re welcome, kid,” he said with a nod.  Sophia gave her mother a hug before hurrying up to her room.  Carol glanced at Daryl for a brief moment before she moved to start gathering plates.  When Daryl stood to help her, she gave him a strange look.  “You don’t have to.”

“You cooked.  Only fair that I help clean up.”

“You don’t have to.  You’re the guest, remember?”    But Daryl picked up a few plates from the table and started for the kitchen.  With a little smile, she followed behind him.  They stood side-by-side at the sink.  She washed, he rinsed and dried, and the entire time, they said nothing.  Her fingers would slip against his in the hot rinse water, and she would smile and meet his gaze for a brief moment before looking away.  And by the time dishes were finished, Carol felt a little heated and flushed. 

“You ok?” he asked, wiping off the counter by the sink. 

“Oh, you know, it’s just such a turn on to see a guy do chores,” she joked.  Daryl snorted at that, and he quickly took the opportunity to bridge the gap between them.  He pawed at her hips, tugging her closer, and she let him, sighing as she looped her arms around his neck and stood on her tiptoes to kiss him.

“So,” he murmured softly, pulling back for a moment.

“So?” she asked, cocking her head to the side.

“Whaddya say?  Wanna stay up past your bedtime with me?”

“Shut up,” she snorted, before she let him pull her in close again for another kiss.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

Daryl’s hand slid over the protruding round of Carol’s belly, and she giggled as his fingertips made gooseflesh rise over her warm skin.

“Stop!  That tickles,” she laughed, as she stretched out on the exam table.  She put her hand over his, and he curled their fingers together.  With a sigh, her smile slowly turned into something nostalgic, and he knew she was thinking of him, of the way he used to be, the way _they_ used to be.  Sometimes he wondered if the man he was now paled in comparison to the man she originally fell in love with.   She was happy when they were together, but sometimes he still saw this distance in her gaze, and he knew she was back there, back the way things used to be before the accident, when they were just two souls trapped in a world without freedom.  Now Ed was gone, they were moving on, and there was a baby to consider.  But sometimes, in moments like this, she went somewhere else, and he couldn’t help but wish he could go there with her.

“You ok?” he said softly, moving to sit next to the exam table.

“Yeah,” she murmured, hand trembling against his.  “Just nervous.”

“Everything’s gonna be alright.  You’re gonna be alright.  This baby.”  He gave her hand a squeeze, and he watched as she blinked back tears.  Part of him felt guilty, as if he was the reason this man she’d fallen in love with and created this child with was no longer here.  Sometimes he felt like he was right where he belonged.  Other times, he felt he was an imposter, a fake, a stand in until the real deal came back, only there was no guarantee he ever would.

“Everything’s gonna be great,” she agreed, sniffling and wiping at her eyes.  He swallowed the lump in his throat, and he laced his fingers through hers.

“Yeah.  We just have to figure out how to tell Sophia about all of this,” she said, exhaling sharply.  Daryl swallowed hard and nodded, and before he could think of anything to say, the door opened, and Dr. Andrea Harrison came walking in.  She smiled warmly at the two of them.

“How are you both doing today?” she asked as she shut the door and moved to wash her hands at the small sink in the corner.

“We’re nervous,” Carol admitted.

“I get it,” she said with a chuckle.  “You have no idea how many parents come in, excited to find out what they’re having, leaving disappointed or ecstatic or feeling guilty for not being ecstatic.  It’s kind of an emotional thing.  But you’re both on board with finding out?”

“Yeah,” Carol said, glancing at Daryl.  “We decided.  Right?”

“Right,” Daryl agreed.  “Figure we already had enough surprises, we should probably prepare ourselves for this one.”  Andrea let out a soft laugh and nodded. 

“Well, great.  Let’s get on with it then.  I need to do a physical examination, but we’ll save that for last and get the good stuff out of the way, huh?”

“Thank you,” Carol said with a smile, gripping Daryl’s hand. 

“Alright, mom and dad, let’s see what we’ve got.”  Carol lifted her shirt, and the doctor put some of that clear jelly on her stomach.  Daryl watched as Carol squirmed at the sensation and flinched each time Andrea pressed the Doppler into her a little firmly.

“You ok?” he asked, kissing the side of her head as he leaned close to her.

“Yeah.  Just a little uncomfortable,” she chuckled.  “Everything’s ok though.  I promise.”

“Alright.  Everything looks great.  Baby looks great.  You’re not feeling any movement yet?”

“No,” Carol said anxiously.  “That’s not bad is it?”

“Not at all.  This little one is active though, so I suggest you enjoy the peace now, because it won’t be long and you’ll be up all night with this one.”

“Oh boy,” Carol chuckled.  Daryl grinned at that. 

“Oh boy’s right,” Andrea said with a smile.

“What?” Carol gasped, sitting up a little, eyes wide.  “A boy?!”

“A boy.”  A wide grin spread over Carol’s face as it began to sink in, and she looked up at Daryl, who was staring blankly at the monitor. 

“Daryl?  Daryl!  Are you ok?”

“That’s…my son?”

“That’s our son,” Carol said softly, curling her fingers around his.  “Are you ok?”

“Holy shit.  We’re having a baby.”

“Yeah,” Carol chuckled.  “We knew that.”

“But it’s…he’s a boy.  He’s a person.  He’s…holy shit.  I’m gonna have a son.” 

“You ok over there, Dad?” Andrea asked, as she typed something on the screen.  She’d placed an arrow on the screen and typed the words “boy parts” underneath. 

“Yeah,” Daryl said slowly, glancing over at Carol.  “M’great.”  Carol smiled up at him hopefully, and he leaned down to press a kiss to her forehead.  “I’m gonna have a boy.”

“Yeah,” Carol said softly.  “Our little boy.”

*~*~*~*

Carol was laid out on the couch with a magazine in one hand.  She ran her other hand threw Daryl’s hair as he lay between her legs and rested his head on her belly.  She couldn’t help but giggle once in a while when he’d put his head against her stomach.

“What’s so funny?” he asked after the most recent giggle.

“You.  You know you can’t hear anything in there.  You’re a doctor.  You think he’s trying to talk to you?”

“No,” he muttered, rubbing her belly under her shirt.

“Or are you playing a different game?” she teased.

“Maybe.”  Daryl wiggled his brows at her, and Carol snorted, swatting him on top of the head with the magazine.  He took it from her and tossed it away before he crawled up to kiss her softly.

“Don’t you have a job to go to?” she asked.

“You tellin’ me to leave?”

“Nope,” she grinned.  “But, you have patients.”

“I ain’t on call.  If they need me, they know where to find me.”  He pressed a kiss to her jaw, and Carol sighed, opening her legs a little so he could settle between them.  She closed her eyes as he began to kiss her neck, and she bit her lip, giving into her desires as her body began to respond to his loving touches. 

And then his cell phone rang.

“Fuck,” he grunted, burying his face in Carol’s neck.  “I don’t gotta answer.”

“Yes you do,” she urged.  “It’s important.”

“You’re important.” 

“You don’t have to say that just because I’m carrying your kid you know.”

“I’m sayin’ it ‘cause I mean it, woman,” he murmured, watching as Carol bit her bottom lip and grinned at him.  His heart swelled, and those three words were right there, right on the tip of his tongue, but the phone continued to ring.  “Shit.”  He slumped for a moment before moving away and reaching for his phone.  “’Lo?  Rhee?  Whaddya want?”  Carol sat up, shifting her shirt down over her stomach and gently putting her hand on Daryl’s back.  When she felt him slump under her touch, she knew their afternoon together was at an end.  “Yeah.  I’ll be there.”  He hung up, and Carol rested her chin on his shoulder.

“Duty calls?”

“Yeah,” he muttered.  Some drunk dumbass thought he’d try usin’ the bridge on Yellow Jacket creek as a fuckin’ balance beam.”

“God,” Carol murmured.  She kissed his neck.  “I guess I’ll see you tomorrow, unless you wanna crawl in my bedroom window tonight.”  He knew she was teasing, but he was certainly tempted by the idea.

“I’ll bring a ladder,” he replied with a chuckle.  She grinned, and they kissed again.  When Daryl finally stood, Carol got up to walk him to the door.

“I’ll call you as soon as I’m done.  You gonna be ok?”

“Oh, I think I can find a way to survive for a few hours,” she promised, linking her fingers with his as they stood in the doorway.  Carol took a shuddering breath, and Daryl felt the strong urge to call Glenn back and ask him to call the next best trauma guy, but he knew he had go to.  He had a job to do, and he’d been out of it for long enough as it was.

“See you soon?” Daryl asked softly.  Carol nodded and stood on her tiptoes to meet him with a kiss.

“Soon,” she promised.  As he turned to leave, she tugged on his hand and arched upward to whisper in his ear.

“Tonight.”

“Really?” he asked, a hint of surprise in his voice.  “Thought you were just kiddin’.  You want me here?  Your kid’s gonna be here.”

“I know,” she said softly.  “Daryl, we’re having a baby together.  Sophia needs to get used to you being around.” 

“Yeah,” Daryl said with a nod.  “You’re ok with this?”

“I’ve been ready for this for a long time.”

“It ain’t gonna be weird?  I mean, with Ed and everything, I just didn’t know if…”

“Hey,” Carol said quietly, squeezing his hands, “I haven’t seen Sophia this happy in a long time.  She’s making new friends, she’s coming out of her shells.  She doesn’t wake up with as many bad dreams anymore.  She’s doing great.  When Ed was here, I was so worried about her, and I think she was worried about me.  She’s not scared anymore.  We’re healing.”  She kissed him, and he lingered there, sighing softly against her lips.  “And I want you there when we’re all put back together again.”  Daryl swallowed the lump in his throat just then, and he rested his forehead against Carol’s, reaching between them to stroke her stomach.  “Hey.”  She gently placed her hand against his chest, pushing him back just enough so she could look into his eyes.  “You’ve got me.  You’ve got us.  We’re doing this.  We’re going to do this together.” 

“Yeah,” he murmured, swallowing hard.  “M’glad I’ve got you.”

“Me too,” she said with a chuckle. 

“You sure this is what you want?”

“I _know_ this is what I want,” she promised.  “Now get outta here.  Go save that guy, and then come back to me.”  


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

“You wanted to see me?”  Daryl looked up from the chart he was reading over to find Glenn Rhee standing in the doorway with two steaming cups of coffee.

“One of them for me?”

“Well, I was taking one to Maggie, but, yeah, I guess.”  Glenn extended a cup out, and Daryl gladly accepted it, taking a sip.  He’d been at the hospital for the last twelve hours, and as much as he’d wanted to go right to Carol’s as soon as he’d examined and treated his patient, he’d ended up having to stay over to help take care of the victims of a multi-car accident. 

“Maggie’s your girlfriend, right?”

“Uh, wife,” Glenn replied. 

“Right,” Daryl said quickly, clearing his throat.  “She’s works on the psych floor, right?”

“Yeah, you need an appointment?” Glenn joked.  At Daryl’s look, the intern quickly sobered.  “You need something?”

“I was reading some journals ‘bout memory loss and how sometimes hypnotism has been used to try to restore memories.”

“Really, dude?”

“What?”

“You’re a doctor.  You know the chances of that.”  Daryl’s expression toward the young man soured, and he slapped the chart down on the desk.  The younger man stepped further into the room.

“I’m gonna be a dad,” Daryl said quietly.  “And I can’t even remember anything about his mom before the accident.  Just pieces.”

“Pieces are good.  Pieces mean it’s not all gone.  Just scrambled, like a puzzle,” Glenn offered, sitting down next to Daryl.  “It’s really bothering you, isn’t it?”

“She loves me,” Daryl said quietly.  “I mean, I ain’t never seen somebody look at another person the way she looks at me.  She’s just…I can’t even explain it.  And I wanna be…”

“Worthy.”

“Huh?”

“You want to be worthy of that love.  You have no fucking clue why she loves you so much.  I get it.  When I met my wife, I was delivering pizzas and staying in all weekend playing Portal.  It’s a video game.”

“’Course it’s a video game,” Daryl smirked. 

“My point is, she loved me anyway.  Hell, I was going to be a lawyer like my dad wanted me to be, but meeting Maggie, seeing how she liked helping people, she made me want to be more.  She’s the one that inspired me to go to medical school.”

“Yeah, but you remember the first six months of your relationship.  You remember your first kiss and all that.  I get flashes here and there, but when I’m with her, sometimes I feel like I’m tryin’ to compete with a ghost.  She’s got all these memories of me, and…”

“You’re still the same person you were before.  You just lost some time is all.”

“But she says it’s different when we’re together.”

“We talking sex here or just in general?”  At Daryl’s glare, Glenn wiped the smirk off of his face.  “Okay.  Look, you just be you.  Maybe you can be better than the guy you were for those six months.  Whatever the case is, she digs you, and she wants you in her life, right?”

“Yeah,” Daryl said slowly.

“So she loved the man you were, she loves the man you are now, and I don’t see the problem.”  Daryl groaned in frustration and slammed his pen down on the desk.

“The problem is that I fucking love her, too, and I don’t know how to make her believe it.”  At Glenn’s look of surprise, Daryl continued.  “How do I tell her without her thinkin’ I’m just sayin’ it.”

“She probably already knows, dude,” Glenn offered.  Daryl glanced at him briefly before taking another sip of coffee.  “Look, she’s still with you, right?  I mean, she wants to be with you?”

“Yeah.”

“And you’re good to her?”

“I hope so,” he said quietly.  “She ain’t complainin’.”  Glenn smirked at that but sobered at Daryl’s glare.

“You could just tell her.  She’ll know you’re telling her the truth if you really mean it.”

“Yeah,” Daryl muttered. 

“Don’t be a pussy….uh…sir.”  Glenn swallowed hard and got up anxiously.  “Look, just tell her.”

“But we just got this thing goin’, and I don’t wanna ruin it.”

“There’s not a timestamp on love.  No expiration date.  Just tell her.  It’s not that hard.”  Glenn gave him a pat on the shoulder, and when he was gone, Daryl slumped over the chart and opened it again, trying to focus on the words and not think about all the things he wanted to say to Carol.

*~*~*~*

Carol’s eyes flew open, and she rolled from her side onto her back, placing her hands on her belly as she felt something fluttering around along her belly.  She bit her lip, smiling sleepily as she relaxed against the pillow.  She waited then, barely breathing as she gently slid her hands along the round of her stomach.  There is was again.  She giggled softly, and tears prickled at her eyes.

“Is that you in there?” she asked softly.  “It’s about time you made your presence known, kiddo.”  She swallowed hard and reached for her phone.  But just as she was starting to dial his number, she heard the soft rumble of an engine cutting off outside the house.  She scrambled out of bed, still feeling that flutter in her stomach.  She cradled her belly in her hands as she hurried to the window.  It was then that she saw Daryl ducking out of the truck, and she quickly hurried out into the hall, taking caution as she rushed down the stairs. 

Daryl looked utterly startled when Carol opened the door just as he was about to knock.  Before he could say a word, she took his hand and tugged him inside, and he followed her blindly to the dark living room with only the light from the foyer to guide them.

“What’s goin’…”

“Shh,” she whispered, settling down on the couch and moving his hand to her stomach.  “Wait.”

“What are you…”

“Just wait!” she urged, a smile spreading over her face as she bit her lip and waited with baited breath.  She held his hand to her belly for a few moments, and then her eyebrows rose.  “Did you feel that?”

“Don’t think so,” he said, furrowing his brows.  “He’s movin’?”

“Yeah.  Oh, it feels so different than I remember,” she said softly.  “He’s really moving!”  She laughed, and Daryl grinned, concentrating hard on trying to feel the baby move.  After several minutes, Carol let go of his hand.  “It’s ok.  You probably won’t be able to tell for a few months.  But he’s moving, Daryl.  He’s moving so much.”  Daryl leaned over to kiss her then, and she sighed against his mouth, circling her arms around his neck and pulling him closer. 

“M’sorry I didn’t come over last night,” he murmured against her lips.

“I know you were busy.  It’s ok,” she promised.  “I’m not that needy.”  Daryl snorted as he buried his face against her neck, inhaling her sweet scent, reveling in the taste of the salt on her skin.  He brushed a kiss over her neck, feeling the flutter of her heartbeat against his lips, and she shivered against him.

“Hey,” he murmured, feeling her pull back.  She watched him with uncertainty, saw him struggling to get the words to come forward. 

“What’s wrong?” she asked, a glimmer of worry haunting her previously joy-filled eyes.

“Are you happy?” he asked quietly.

“What?”

“With me?  Us?”

“Daryl.  Of course I’m happy,” she said softly.

“Even if I ain’t like I was before?”

“I love you however you are,” she promised.  “It’s you.  I know it’s you, because when I look in your eyes, I still see what I saw before.”  She swallowed hard, gently placing her hand against his chest.  “I know this is still the same.  I won’t say that I’m not sad sometimes that you can’t remember some of the things we’ve done together, but they’re memories I have to cherish.  And maybe someday you’ll get them back.  But we have so much to look forward to.”  She grabbed his hand and put it on her belly again.  “We’ve got this little boy, for one.  And I know you’re going to be an amazing daddy.”  Daryl licked his lips and swallowed hard.

“You told me not to say it until I feel it.  And I been tryin’ to figure out a way to tell you.  I was afraid,” he said quietly, watching the way her lip quivered and her eyes filled with tears.  “Wakin’ up and not knowin’ what the hell happened in my life for six months was the scariest thing I ever had to go through.  But you were there, and you stuck with me, even though there was a chance I might never feel the way you needed me to.  Even if I couldn’t love you like I did before.  But I dream of you.  And I remember little things, things that matter, I think.  And I think it’s because I needed a sign that there was somethin’ here for you.  For us.”

“Daryl…”

“I gotta get this out,” he urged.  She nodded, and he took a deep breath.  “I don’t know if I’ll ever be exactly who I was before.  But I know you.  And knowing you—all I want is this.  Us.  I never felt like this before.  And I ain’t good with words, but I know myself enough to know what I’m feeling.  And I feel it.  I love you, Carol.”

“I love you too,” she said softly, bringing her hand up to brush against his cheek.  “And I know you feel it.”  She leaned in, kissing him softly on the forehead.  “And I see it when you look at me.  And I know.  This is it.”

“This is it,” he agreed.  And then he chuckled.  “So what now?”

“Now?” she asked.  “Oh, now it just gets better.”

“Yeah?”

“Mmm,” she murmured before leaning in to kiss him once again.

 

The End


End file.
